What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0122

6051.  You come into this life with nothing and you leave with nothing.  The only thing you can do with your life is give it away;

6052.  You experience joy when you attempt to bring it to others;

6053.  For some women, looks really don’t matter;

6054.  Justin Trawick kind of sounds like (Eric) Cartman (from “South Park”) singing bluegrass;

6055.  Your thoughts, not the world, cause your stress.  Your thoughts activate stressful reactions in your body.  Stressful thoughts create resistance to the joy, happiness and abundance that you desire to create in your life.  These thoughts include: I can’t; I’m too overworked; I worry; I’m afraid; I’m unworthy; It will never happen; I’m not smart enough; I’m too old/young; and so on.  These thoughts are like a program to resist being tranquil and stress free and they keep you from manifesting your desires;

6056.  You can change your thoughts of stress in any given moment and eliminate the anxiety for the next few moments or even hours and days;

6057.  You’ve left behind your capacity to manifest your desires when you don’t choose in the moment to eliminate a stressful thought;

6058.  Monitor your stressful thoughts by checking on your emotional state right in the moment.  Ask yourself the key question: Do I feel good right now?  If the answer is “no,” then repeat these five magic words: I want to feel good then shift to: I intend to feel good;

6059.  You don’t need a reason to be happy.  Your desire to be so is sufficient;

6060.  If you are still alive then you haven’t completed what you were put on earth to do;

6061.  If the most important part of your life is ahead of you, then, even during the worst times, one can be assured that there is more laughter ahead, more success to look forward to, more children to teach and help, more friends to touch and influence, etc.  There is proof of hope for more;

6062.  You may be old.  You may be sick.  You may be divorced.  Your kids may not be speaking to you.  You may be out of work.  You may be broke.  You may be discouraged.  But you’re not dead yet.  And that’s proof that you still have not completed what you were put on earth to do;

6063.  Our brains aren’t designed to go nonstop.  When we drop into neutral, ideas flow on their own, memories sort themselves out and we give ourselves a chance to rejuvenate;

6064.  Tell others about their genius.  Be as complimentary and authentic as you can.  In doing so, you’ll radiate loving, kind, abundant and creative energy.  In a universe that operates on energy and attraction, you’ll find these same qualities returning to you;

6065.  Advice is one thing that is freely given away, but watch that you take only what is worth having;

6066.  Will power is but the unflinching purpose to carry a task you set for yourself to fulfillment;

6067.  Where the determination is, the way can be found;

6068.  Apparently, you’ll need a license to lend “hard money” for most states in the U.S.;

6069.  The best version of ourselves is on the other side of our fears;

6070.  “Quinn’s On the Corner” (QuinnsOnTheCorner.com) (in Rosslyn) has $1.00 bottles of champagne (with purchase of a brunch item) on Saturdays and Sundays;

6071.  What’s the definition of distracted?  The answer is: Watching a football game on your phone when you’re (actually) at a hockey game;

6072.  People think focus means saying “yes” to the thing you’ve got to focus on.  But that’s not what it means at all.  It means saying “no” to the hundred other good ideas that there are.  You have to pick carefully;

6073.  We’re so busy saying “yes” to the vague possibility that something is more valuable than our work that we never get around to actually working on what matters;

6074.  Until physicists figure out something better, we’re free to use 168 hours a week and no more.  That means every “yes” is a tradeoff;

6075.  New opportunities are a gamble.  And the more of them we commit to, the less likely our fractured focus can even make good on any of them;

6076.  Set strong, specific goals.  Clarity is key.  If your priorities are clear, you can play your game instead of everyone else’s.  Goals filter incoming invitations.  Does the opportunity help you achieve your goal?  Great. If not, see you;

6077.  Recognize the tradeoffs.  When you feel like saying “yes,” count the cost.  Ask, “What am I giving up to say “yes” to this and is that worth it?  Will it benefit me more than my clearly articulated, preexisting goals?”  Probably not, if you’re honest;

6078.  Cultivate a mindset of abundance.  Fear of missing out thrives on scarcity.  You might rationalize an opportunity like this will probably never come along again so I have to say “yes” now.  But, no you don’t.  There’s always another deal;

6079.  Recruiting great people is similar to any kind of sales process.  Your company is the product.  Prospective employees are your customers.  The recruiting process is not just about filtering candidates, it’s also your sales pitch;

6080.  As a leader, everything you do is contagious.  If you are discouraged, pessimistic or lacking in energy, people will feel it.  The organization will reflect it.  Conversely, when you’re upbeat, energetic and optimistic, people also feel it.  It will have a positive effect on your team and the outcomes you hope to create;

6081.  It’s critical to keep our commitments, but that doesn’t mean we can’t request a release, ask for an extension or delegate the project to someone else;

6082.  Unless you believe you can grow, your life will likely look just like it did ten years ago if not worse;

6083.  When we face time crunches, sleep is often the first thing to get cut.  It may seem efficient and even smart at the time, but it’s not.  In reality, you getting that optimal sleep is going to enable you to wake up and do the job to the best of your ability;

6084.  Taking lunch to your desk might seem like a good idea, but it’s actually detrimental.  Creativity and innovation happen when people change their environment and especially when they expose themselves to nature-like environments.  Staying inside, in the same location, is really detrimental to the creative process.  It’s also detrimental to doing the rumination that’s needed for ideas to percolate and gestate and allow a person to arrive at an “Aha!” moment;

6085.  Hank’s Oyster Bar (HanksOysterBar.com) in (Old Town) Alexandria has half price oysters ($1.25 each) at the bar Monday through Friday from 3:00 PM to 7:00 PM and every night from 10:00 PM until close (i.e., midnight);

6086.  Elizabeth likes oysters;

6087.  Elizabeth grew up in Charlottesville, Virginia;

6088.  Elizabeth has soft(, cold) hands;

6089.  Elizabeth likes her neck bitten;

6090.  Apparently, Elizabeth doesn’t sleep with guys on the first date( . . . and still doesn’t);

6091.  Apparently, my (front) teeth get sore from biting necks;

6092.  You may think setting conservative goals is wise, but it actually makes us and our teams less productive;

6093.  Too many leaders believe they’ll accomplish more if they lower the bar and set goals they can easily hit.  It’s called, “sandbagging.”  When goals are fixed too low, people often achieve them, but subsequent motivation and energy levels typically flag and the goals are usually not exceeded by very much.  Sandbagged goals actually do what they’re formulated to avoid: They undercut productivity because we ultimately find them boring and demotivating.  They require little and inspire even less;

6094.  If we want our organizations to succeed, we have to set goals outside the comfort zone.  But we also have to avoid the delusional zone.  Those are truly unreachable targets where nobody wins.  Instead, we have to set goals in the discomfort zone.  These are challenging enough to inspire breakthrough thinking, but not so challenging they break morale;

6095.  The best way to stay out of the delusional zone is to get more than one perspective on it.  Ask your team.  Take the temperature of your key leaders and/or primary stakeholders.  But don’t go first.  You don’t want your statement to skew the results.  At most, offer a suggested range or a few options to start a conversation.  Factoring in what you learned from your team, finalize the goal.  You can do this together with the key leaders or by yourself.  Either way, it should feel risky enough to spark your thinking as you imagine ways to make it a reality.  You won’t be entirely certain how you’re going to pull it off;

6096.  Once you’ve set the goal, it’s your job as the leader to go back and sell it, first to the key stakeholders and then to the wider organization.  The key is to connect the accomplishment to the interests of the team.  What will it mean for them to reach the goal?  What’s at stake for the business and for them personally?  Then ask for alignment.  “Can you align with this decision?”  It is important that the stakeholders feel they have a choice and voluntarily align.  Buy-in is critical;

6097.  When we set goals in the discomfort zone, it’s easy to measure the gap and see how far off the target still is.  But if that’s too daunting, it can take the wind out of our sails.  It’s also important to measure the gains.  Even when we don’t quite make it, we inevitably wind up doing much better than we would have done without a challenging goal;

6098.  Almost a third of Americans work on the weekends;

6099.  Based on what the research tells us about rest and rejuvenation, you’ll actually be more productive if you “unplug;”
6100.  (The) Macallan doesn’t color their Scotch/whiskey;

What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0121

6001.  The sandwiches at “The Market” at Bellair (TigerFuelMarkets.com/TheMarketDeli) in Charlottesville, Virginia are tasty;

6002.  (I can say) I’ve been on a double date with the same girl;

6003.  (I can say) I’ve been on a date with Steve(n) (Castano);

6004.  Kristi likes gin;

6005.  Kristi’s from Estonia;

6006.  Kristi has soft hands;

6007.  The adult milkshakes at Ted’s Bulletin in D.C. are tasty (specifically the White Russian);

6008.  The Ted’s tarts are (pretty) good too (specifically the salted caramel);

6009.  The marrow burger at Mason Social (Mason-Social.com) in (Old Town) Alexandria is (rather) tasty. . . . Go for “Marrow Mondays.”  The marrow burger is on special (all day) for $11.50 (v. $15.00 regularly);

6010.  Kevin Bacon can play the drums (specifically the djembe drum);

6011.  Kevin Bacon can (actually) sign;

6012.  It seems appropriate that the Bacon Brothers would play “Footloose;”

6013.  Attitude is not something that just happens; you choose it.  Even in difficult circumstances, you can choose to have a good attitude;

6014.  Define how responsive you are going to be.  Segment your contacts.  Who is your inner circle?  What about the next level out?  What about acquaintances?  What about complete strangers?  You can have a different standard for each.  You don’t necessarily need to tell them which circle they’re in;

6015.  Determine how responsive others need you to be.  If you acquire a new client, a boss or a business partner, ask them to clarify their expectations.  How quickly do they need you to respond?  Does it need to be immediate?  Within a few hours?  Within 24 hours?  In a couple of days?  Ask them to be specific.  This is an implicit contract;

6016.  Express how responsive you want others to be.  Take the initiative to clarify this with your direct reports, business associates and vendors.  It will result in less frustration for both of you.  It also provides the necessary accountability to make progress on your various projects;

6017.  Be proactive when you can’t respond in a timely manner.  If the other person has to follow-up, it’s a good sign your expectations are mismatched or you dropped the ball.  Instead of waiting for them to ask again, contact them.  For example: “I just wanted to acknowledge that I received your e-mail.  I am traveling this week, so it will likely be the end of the week before I can respond;”

6018.  The right words at the wrong time can be just as damaging as the wrong words.  When someone experiences a major setback or disappointment, we need to be careful not to dismiss their pain or frustration.  Likewise, it’s usually a bad idea to lecture about what they could or should have done differently;

6019.  Words left unsaid can also be hurtful;

6020.  Some teammates are more managerial and others are more entrepreneurial.  On any given team there are usually more of the first than the second.  It doesn’t matter what the environment is.  Entrepreneurs hunt down new opportunities and see rules as slowing them down.  Managers oversee existing business and use rules to keep things in order.  It’s inevitable that they’ll butt heads.  The managers want the entrepreneurs to be less entrepreneurial.  And the entrepreneurs want the managers to be less managerial.  But that is a mistake.  The hard thing to appreciate is that most teams need both entrepreneurs and managers to succeed;

6021.  Appreciation is a critical factor for team success.  Without managers, entrepreneurs don’t have anyone to hold down the shop.  Without entrepreneurs, managers don’t have business for the shop.  Until each can appreciate the other’s contribution, they’ll work at cross purposes;

6022.  You feel overwhelmed and you don’t know what course to take: 1.  Forget about the ultimate outcome.  The truth is that you probably have less control over the outcome than you think.  You can undoubtedly influence it, but you can’t control it.  Besides, before you ever get to the final destination, many of the variables will change.  Projects and deals have a way of unfolding over time; 2.  Focus on the next right action.  Since worrying about the outcome is unproductive, try to think about the next actions that will move the project forward.  This is far more accessible than something in the distant future; and 3.  Do something now!  This is key.  Something is better than nothing;

6023.  Clarity comes when you move toward your destination and correct along the way;

6024.  If you don’t say “no:” 1.  Other peoples’ priorities will take precedence over yours; 2.  Mere acquaintances, people you barely know, will crowd out time with family and close friends; 3.  You will not have the time you need for rest and recovery; 4.  You will end up frustrated and stressed; and 5.  You won’t be able to say “yes” to the really important things;

6025.  Out of guilt or fear of confrontation, we take on more projects or invest in someone else’s priorities.  In the process, we dissipate our most valuable personal resources, time, energy and money, on things that aren’t important to us.  Each time we agree to something without enthusiasm or interest, we waste a little more of these precious resources;
6026.  Every time we say “no” to something that is not important, we are saying “yes” to something that is: our work, our relationships and our resources;

6027.  Smart people think, say and do stupid things all the time.  One explanation is that they’re sometimes more intelligent than critical.  Researchers, who’ve studied the discrepancy between intelligent people and stupid decisions, note that critical thinkers experience fewer negative events in life when compared to highly intelligent people;

6028.  A sin is more than a mistake.  It’s a deliberate choice to do something you know is wrong;

6029.  When we say, “We are trying,” we don’t really have to do anything.  It also provides us with an excuse for why we didn’t accomplish the outcome we say we want.  You either do something or you don’t do it.  Trying is really the same as not doing it.  It just makes it easier for us to let ourselves off the hook when we fail;

6030.  Eliminate the word “try” from your vocabulary.  Language is subtle.  The words we use can program us to perform certain ways.  Using the wrong language can create an outcome we don’t intend;

6031.  “Try” is a worthless word that accomplishes nothing.  It might make us feel better when we fail, but it actually induces the kind of behavior that leads to failure;

6032.  Decide either to do or not do.  If you don’t want to do something, fine.  Don’t do it.  But don’t pretend that trying is the same as doing.  They are two completely different postures;

6033.  Everything important we accomplish begins with a decision.  We don’t slip into our greatest achievements.  We commit and then make them happen;

6034.  Commit 100 percent to the outcome you want.  Failure is not an option.  Play full out.  Don’t quit.  Don’t settle for merely trying;

6035.  After conducting an in-depth study of seventy-two high-performing CEOs, Cornell University researchers reached a surprising conclusion.  The key predictor of success for leaders wasn’t grit, focus, education, decision-making skills, a knack for strategic planning or even IQ.  It was self-awareness;

6036.  Self-awareness is the ability to monitor and regulate our thoughts, feelings and actions (and the effect they have on ourselves and others).  It requires we identify and challenge the bogus unconscious beliefs underlying the ways we think, feel and act;

6037.  Help you surface and neutralize your self-limiting beliefs: S(top)N(otice)A(sk)P(ivot);

6038.  Stop: Take four or five deep, prayerful breaths to ground yourself in your body and return to the present moment.  The purpose of this step is simply to wake up and bring your awareness back to your immediate experience;

6039.  Notice: Often we get swept up in the rush of daily activities and habitual reactive behaviors, but rarely do we step back to observe and learn from them.  Once we’ve come to a full stop, we look around to see what we’ve been missing while we were lost in our thoughts or absorbed in our work.  Is the environment around us calm or burning to the ground?  How are we connected to what’s going on?  Are we personally in a good space or do we notice we’re caught up in outmoded, habitual perspectives and behaviors?  Whatever you discover, make sure as you notice or observe what you’re feeling, thinking and doing in the moment that you do so with compassion.  No labeling, analyzing, criticizing or trying to fix anything.  Your job right now is to simply notice and nothing else;

6040.  Ask: Now that you’re awake to what’s happening in the moment, you can ask yourself three questions that will expose any self-limiting beliefs and get you back on track if you need it: 1.  “What am I believing right now?”  This is a powerful question.  After a few minutes of quiet reflection, the unconscious beliefs fueling your anxiety can surface; 2.  “Are these beliefs true?”  Of course not; and 3.  “How would your life change if you let go of this belief?”

6041.  Pivot: Once you’ve identified and interrupted the circuit on your bogus beliefs, you can pivot and make different, healthier, more helpful choices that ae in line with the truth;

6042.  Leaders face a lot of problems, but poor communication is one they often create for themselves.  According to one study, nine out of ten employees say it sabotages the success of executives.  The same study found the second biggest problem area for leaders was a lack of clear directions;

6043.  When you get tired of hearing yourself and you think that everyone is starting to get annoyed, you’re about half(way) done.  The truth is you can’t over-communicate;

6044.  5 reasons to speak up and speak often: 1.  People can’t read your mind.  When you force people to guess what you’re after, you widen the margin for error and misunderstanding.  You need to get what’s in your mind into the minds of your teammates.  That only comes with communication; 2.  People forget.  No matter how clear your strategy and tactics are to you, others will forget.  No one retains it all; 3.  People get distracted.  Modern work is plagued by distraction.  As a leader, you can do things to combat that, but you can also compensate by continually communicating what’s important to your team; 4.  People haven’t bought into your rationale.  Just because people work for you doesn’t mean they subscribe to the mission or the values behind the individual tasks they’ve been hired to do.  If you’re serious about results, you’ll either need to let those people go or bring them up to speed; and 5.  People drift off course.  Even if team members buy into your vision or the importance behind specific tasks, they can lose sight of the target and drift off course.  A leader’s communication is the compass of the organization.  It keeps everyone oriented and moving toward the right goals;

6045.  Communication is a critical factor in team alignment.  And team alignment is a critical factor in hitting organizational goals;

6046.  If you want your doctor to stick her/his finger up your butt, turn 40;

6047.  I’ve had a man stick his finger up my butt;

6048.  Prostate exams aren’t fun;

6049.  Vegetarian tacos can be tasty (specifically the ones at Chaia (ChaiaDC.com) in Georgetown).  Who knew?

6050.  The surest way to find happiness and joy for yourself is to devote your energies toward making someone else happy.  If you make an effort to search for joy you will find it elusive, largely because you will become engaged in the search itself.  Your life will be about striving.  However, if you try to bring happiness to someone else then joy will come to you;