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5951.  Discomfort is a sign we’re making progress.  When you push yourself to grow, you will experience discomfort, but it will be worth it;

5952.  You can either be comfortable and stagnate or stretch yourself, become uncomfortable, and grow.  You may think that comfort leads to happiness.  It doesn’t.  Happiness comes from growth and feeling like you are making progress;

5953.  Keep your word.  People have to learn that they can count on you to deliver on your promises.  If you commit to following up on something, do it . . . no excuses.  If you can’t do it, proactively let the other person know;

5954.  Tell the truth.  This is harder than it sounds.  Most of us like to think of ourselves as truth-tellers, but it’s easy to round up numbers, spin the facts or conveniently leave out the evidence that doesn’t support your position.  But if we are going to build trust, then we have to commit ourselves to telling the truth even when it is difficult or embarrassing.  People are more forgiving than you think.  They don’t expect you to be perfect; however, they do expect you to acknowledge your mistakes and to come clean when you screw up;

5955.  Be transparent.  People will not trust you unless you learn to share yourself, warts and all.  You have to take a risk and be vulnerable.  This creates rapport and rapport builds trust; however, be warned, you can’t use this as a gimmick or a technique.  If you do, people will see it as manipulation.  You have to be authentic.  The reason this builds trust is because you are demonstrating trust.  You are taking the initiative to go first. In essence, you are saying, “Look, I trust you.  I am taking off my mask and showing you my true self.  Some of it isn’t very pretty, but I am willing to take that risk, believing you will still accept me.”  This kind of self-revelation almost always gives the other person the courage to take off their mask too.  And that builds trust.  The relationship is deepened. It goes to a new level;

5956.  Give without any strings attached.  Nothing builds trust like love.  You have to be willing to share your knowledge, your contacts and your compassion without expecting anything in return.  The more you take the initiative to give, the more it builds trust.  Giving lets others know that you know it’s not all about you.  From this, people learn that they can trust you because you have their best interests at heart.  You aren’t merely looking out for yourself.  You’re taking care of them too.  But, like being transparent, you have to be careful how you give.  Otherwise, it will be perceived as manipulation.  You have to make sure your motives are pure.  You can’t expect something in return;

5957.  (I think) Katy Perry looks better with long(er) hair;

5958.  Apparently, Katy Perry’s mom hates the song, “I Kissed a Girl;”

5959.  Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else;

5960.  Distrust is what I have shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you;

5961.  When we trust, we are braving connection with someone;

5962.  Anatomy of trust: B(oundary)R(eliability)A(ccountability)V(ault)I(ntegrity)N(onjudgment)G(enerosity);

5963.  Boundary: I trust you if you are clear about your boundaries and you hold them and you’re clear about my boundaries and you respect them;

5964.  There is no trust without boundaries;

5965.  Reliability: I can only trust you if you do what you say you’re going to do and not only once;

5966.  Reliability is you do what you say you’re going to do over and over and over again;

5967.  In our working lives, reliability means that we have to be very clear on our limitations so we don’t take on so much that we come up short and don’t deliver on our commitments.  In our personal life, it means the same thing;

5968.  Accountability: I can only trust you, if when you make a mistake, you’re willing to own it, apologize for it and make amends.  I can only trust you, if when I make a mistake, I am allowed to own it, apologize for it and make amends;

5969.  If there’s no accountability, there’s no trust;

5970.  Vault: What I share with you, you will hold in confidence.  What you share with me, I will hold in confidence.  You respect my story, but you respect other peoples’ stories too;

5971.  Integrity: I cannot trust you and be in a trusting relationship with you, if you do not act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same;

5972.  What is integrity: 1.  Choosing courage over comfort; 2.  Choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast or easy; and 3.  Practicing your values and not just professing your values;

5973.  Nonjudgment: I can fall apart, ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by you and you can fall apart and be in struggle and ask for help without being judged by me;

5974.  If you can’t ask for help and they cannot reciprocate by helping you then that is not a trusting relationship;
5975.  When we assign value to needing help or when I think less of myself for needing help (whether you’re conscious of it or not), when you offer help to someone else, you think less of them too.  In other words, you cannot judge yourself for needing help, but not judge others for needing your help;
5976.  Real trust doesn’t exist unless help is reciprocal and nonjudgmental;

5977.  Generosity: Our relationship is only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous things about my words, intentions and behaviors and then check in with me.  So if I screw up, say something, forget something, you will make a generous assumption;

5978.  A change of feeling is a change of destiny;

5979.  If this assumption is persisted in until it becomes your dominant feeling, the attainment of your ideal is inevitable;

5980.  Balance is not the same as rest.  If we think that attaining balance means finally getting a much-needed break then we’re missing something important.  It’s not about rest, though it does include it.  Balance is about distributing demands so we can stay on track.  And sometimes that takes a lot of work;

5981.  Balance is dynamic.  “Life is like riding a bicycle,” Albert Einstein said.  “In order to keep your balance, you must keep moving.”  The slower you go, the more trouble it is to keep your bike up.  Momentum helps us stay on course.  It’s the same for all the corrections and adjustments we make along the way.  Balance requires tweaking our schedule, task lists and more.  If you have it right one week, it still requires attention the next;

5982.  Balance is intentional.  Our bodies are programed to stay upright, but it takes a bit more focus when it comes to the complex responsibilities and relationships that make up our lives.  We have to make purposeful decisions and actions if we want balance.  It’s not accidental.  Those decisions and actions will look different for each of us, but they’re essential for all of us just the same;

5983.  Balance isn’t easy, fast or always fun.  It requires constant movement and constant attention;

5984.  Sometimes when we’re doing exactly what is required to keep our balance, we feel the most unbalanced.  That’s only because we’ve misunderstood balance; we expect it to do something for our lives that it can’t.  But once we adjust our perspective, we can see it for what it is: a difficult, but necessary way to approach our lives.  Rather than be discouraged when the challenge becomes hard, we can recognize the difficulty as just part of the course;

5985.  The key to discipline is goal-setting;

5986.  Steps to be disciplined: 1.  Determine your goal: The key is in knowing what you really want.  If you are going to succeed, you must be specific.  You must be able to see it.  Write it down and, while you’re at it, add a “by when” date.  Here’s an example: I will lose 10 pounds by December 31, 2016; 2.  List your reasons: This is often the missing piece in both goal-setting and discipline.  You have to ask, “Why is this goal important?  What is at stake in my achieving it?””  List both the positive and negative reasons; and 3.  Identify likely obstacles: As soon as you start swimming against the current, you will start feeling resistance.  It’s as if the universe conspires to keep you from succeeding.  That’s why you have to anticipate these obstacles and build strategies to overcome them.  Examples: Obstacle: Mindlessly eating for lunch what I always eat.  Strategy: Plan my lunch before I leave the house – where and what I will eat.  Obstacle: Inability to work out on the road.  Strategy: Make sure the hotel has a workout room before I book it.  Also, pack my workout clothes and shoes.  Obstacle: Eating more calories than I intend.  Strategy: Record everything in LoseIt, thus, educating myself about the calorie-count of various foods.  Researchers call these strategies implementation intentions; 4.  Develop new behaviors: This is where you should focus.  What are the positive, new behaviors you want to develop to replace the old, negative behaviors?  Examples: Drink two-and-a-half liters of water a day to stay hydrated.  Eat healthy snacks like raw almonds, celery, carrots and so on.  Chose simple grilled fish or chicken rather than beef; and 5.  Stay focused: Read your goals daily, review your reasons why, anticipate obstacles and work on your new behaviors.  If you get off-track, don’t beat yourself up.  Sometimes, it’s three steps forward and two steps back.  The trick is to shake it off and relock on your goal;

5987.  Discipline is not really about willpower so much as focusing on what you really want.  If you get clear on that, it suddenly becomes much easier;

5988.  Yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow is only a vision.  But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope;

5989.  The psychological shift from scarcity to abundance makes you wealthy and brings you a glorious sense of freedom.  In making this shift, you’re training your brain to recognize that there’s so much more available for you to give, to appreciate and to love;

5990.  It’s not just money that you can donate.  You can also give your time, your talent, your love, your compassion, (and) your heart;

5991.  Most people know that the proceeds from a life insurance policy are not subject to income tax; however, it’s not as widely known that the proceeds are subject to estate tax;

5992.  The phrase, “To thine own self be true,” comes from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, but it became popular through self-help books and programs.  If you’ve ever read or seen the play, you know the full story. The phrase comes after advice about being prudent and preserving friendships.  The idea is that we are true to ourselves so that others can count on what we say.  It was about having true integrity.  But if you listen to the way people use it today, they usually mean something else.  “To thine own self be true” is often used as an excuse to do whatever a person wants instead of what’s expected or even what they’ve already committed to.  This is suicide in business and the rest of life;

5993.  Honesty is making your words conform to reality.  Integrity is making reality conform to your words;

5994.  Trust depends on integrity.  If people can’t rely on your word, they won’t trust you.  They may extend some grace, but eventually, people will doubt and disbelieve;

5995.  Influence depends on trust.  People will refuse the influence of leaders they distrust;

5996.  Impact depends on influence.  You can’t make the impact you want unless you can influence others and shift their behavior;

5997.  Think of relationships: marriage, parenting, church, etc.  The strength of our relationships is measured by how much people can count on us.  If we’re not true to our word that means our relationships will be as unreliable as we are;

5998.  There’s nothing wrong with asking to be released from a commitment.  But if we can’t get free, then we need to make good on it.  If we try living true to ourselves at the expense of others, it’ll cost us our relationships, our success and ultimately everything of real and lasting value;

5999.  Leadership is less about having the right answers and more about having the right questions;
6000.  Apparently, the “Goo Goo Dolls” think they’re still relevant. . . . You’re not allowed to stand by the area where they’re being picked up by their van (at least when they play in front of the Rotunda at the University of Virginia);

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5901.  If we want more of what we want, we have to get rid of what we don’t want.  It’s the necessary, but sometimes painful process called “pruning;”

5902.  Sometimes our short-sighted attachment to what we have is what’s holding us back from growing;

5903.  Goals that lack clarity are merely wishes;

5904.  It’s better to set out ambitious, but realistic goals that include the target and some concrete ways to reach it (i.e., I am going to increase our sales this year by 10% by cold-calling a few prospective clients every workday);

5905.  Whatever are your key motivations, when you find yourself dragging your feet, stop to remind yourself why you wanted to do this in the first place.  Reconnecting with your why will (always) help;

5906.  To reach your goals, focus instead on the chunks or steps that you’ll need to get there;

5907.  Larger goals ought to challenge us, the steps toward getting to our goals should not.  These steps need to be inside our comfort zone and ought to require little or no courage to do.  The trick is to cut the giant into enough pieces that s/he is no longer menacing;

5908.  You should only have three main tasks per day.  To focus on three and only three, you have to filter your tasks and eliminate, automate or delegate everything that is outside your “desire zone.”  You can also have a small list of nonessential tasks that can be handled at the beginning or the end of the workday.  Your attitude toward these things should be “If I get to them, fine, and, if not, that’s okay, too;”

5909.  According to Dr. Gail Matthews, built-in accountability is one of two primary ingredients for goal success.  You need someone who will hold you accountable without succumbing to your excuses.  Their purpose in this context is not to shame you, but to remind you of the road you set out on and why getting over the finish line will be worth it;

5910.  You’re not truly proficient unless you’re able to deliver results in the role you were hired for or that you’ve convinced your organization to shift you into;

5911.  Let’s say you’re good at hitting a baseball.  That’s great, but it doesn’t mean you ought to quit your job and chase a career in the game.  Instead you might join an adult team and play on weeknights and in weekend tournaments;

5912.  Before you decide to change positions within your company or strike out on your own, ask yourself these 3 questions: 1.  What do I feel passionate about doing instead of my current work? 2.  Am I proficient at it? and 3.  How do I know that?  The last question is key.  “I just know” is not a good answer.  It all comes back to external validation.  Let’s say that while you are pursuing your aptitudes as hobbies, people see your talent and constantly encourage you to take it to the next level.  Let’s further foresee that you get serious interest from a talent scout or a record executive.  These would be examples of external validation of your proficiency at these disciplines.  When this happens, pay attention and, at least, consider moving your life into a whole new and more satisfying zone.  Because when you have both passion and proficiency, you can often get into what makes all of this possible: profits;

5913.  Every big picture that is ever created is created one brush stroke at a time;

5914.  How to become your spouse’s best friend: 1.  Make a list of what you would want in a best friend (i.e., Wanted: Best Friend; Prospective candidates will: 1.  Make me feel good about being me; 2.  Affirm my best qualities (especially when I am feeling insecure); 3.  Call out the best in me and hold me accountable to the best version of myself; 4.  Listen without judging or trying to fix me; 5.  Give me the benefit of the doubt; 6.  Extend grace to me when I am grumpy or having a bad day; 7.  Remember my birthday, favorite foods, music and art; 8.  Know my story and love me regardless; 9.  Spend time with me just because you enjoy my company; 10.  Speak well of me when I am not present; 11.  Serve me with a joyful spirit and without complaining; 12.  Speak the truth to me when no one else will; 13.  Never shame me, diminish me or make me feel small; 14.  Become excited about what I am excited about; and 15.  Celebrate my wins!); 2.  Now become that person for your spouse.  Psychologist John Gottman has spent years researching what makes some marriages flourish and others fall apart.  He found lasting relationships come down to friendship.  Couples who stay married make an intentional effort to connect, share interests and meet their spouse’s emotional needs; and 3.  Keep sowing the seeds until the relationship blossoms.  Friendships are like gardens; they must be cultivated.  The key is to be consistent and persistent without expectations.  There’s usually a reason to hope in almost any circumstance.  There’s a great deal of evidence showing the more someone receives or witnesses kindness, the more they will be kind themselves, which leads to upward spirals of love and generosity in a relationship.  It’s amazing what can happen when we assume the best and stay meaningfully engaged with our spouses;

5915.  Three triggers for suffering: 1.  Loss – When you focus on loss, you become convinced that a particular problem has caused or will cause you to lose something you value; 2.  Less – When you focus on the idea that you have less or will have less, you will suffer; and 3.  Never – When you focus on the idea or become consumed by a belief that you’ll never have something you value, such as love, joy, wealth or opportunity, you’re doomed to suffer, you’ll never be happy, you’ll never become the person you want to be;

5916.  The secret of living an extraordinary life is to take control of the mind since this alone will determine whether you live in a suffering state or a beautiful state;

5917.  Our lives are shaped not by our conditions, but by our decisions;

5918.  Are you committed to being happy no matter what happens to you?  Will you commit to enjoying life not only when everything goes your way, but also when everything goes against you, when injustice happens, when someone screws you over, when you lose something or someone you love or when nobody seems to understand or appreciate you?  Unless we make this definitive decision to stop suffering and live in a beautiful state, our survival minds will create suffering whenever our desires, expectations or preferences are not met;

5919.  The human brain is like a computer in that it does not believe what is true or what is false, but rather believes whatever you tell it most often.  In other words, we become the stories we tell ourselves.  You have to intentionally change that programming through repetition of what you think should matter most to you.  One form of self-persuasion is affirmations, but affirmations alone are not enough.  We need to set exciting goals and identify our key motivations for reaching them;

5920.  5 characteristics of weak leaders: 1.  Hesitating to take definitive action – One of the most important leadership qualities you can develop is practicing the art of the start.  Perfectionism is the mother of procrastination.  You’re never going to find the perfect time or the perfect circumstances or be totally prepared.  At some point, you have to kick into action; 2.  Complaining about insufficient resources – Leaders who do this never get very far.  You’re in place to deliver an outcome and your job is to figure out how to get the resources or make do without them.  The truth is that, as a leader, you never have enough resources.  You could always use more of one thing or another, but successful leaders figure out how to get the job done with whatever resources they have.  The one thing potentially unlimited is your imagination.  Ultimately, there is no such thing as insufficient resources; there are only un-resourceful people; 3.  Refusing to take responsibility – Great leaders don’t do this.  They are accountable for the results and accept full responsibility for the outcomes.  Once you accept responsibility, you can change the result.  You may not control the circumstances you’re in, but you do control your response.  Changing the result is as simple (or as hard) as changing your response; 4.  Abusing the privileges of leadership – Leadership is first and foremost a stewardship.  We never hold it for ourselves; we hold it on behalf of someone else.  If you’re in a position of leadership, it’s to serve.  You’re accountable.  If you abuse it, you’ll eventually lose it.  As a leader of a company, I look at potential actions and decisions as if a reporter or a private investigator was following you around.  How would the choices you make today appear if they were on the front page of The Wall Street Journal?  Our bad decisions have a funny way of coming to light and as a leader you need to live with that prospect in clear view; and 5.  Engaging in acts of insubordination – Criticizing your boss in public is never a good idea.  People in authority eventually find out and, when they do, don’t be surprised if you get fired.  If you disagree with your boss’s direction and feel deeply about it, then confront her/him in private or resign.  This really comes down a matter of integrity.  Even if your boss is incompetent, you have the duty to respect her/him.  If you can’t do that, you need to resign.  Speaking out publicly while you’re still employed is just not an option and it’s not very smart;

5921.  Don’t sweat the small stuff, and it’s all small stuff;

5922.  The undeniable reality is that how well you do in life and business depends not only on what you do and how you do it, but also on who is doing it with you or to you;

5923.  Three simple steps to ensure our peers drive us forward instead of hold us back: 1.  Study your energy bill.  Relationships can calm us down or stress us out.  The first thing we have to do is notice how our interactions impact us emotionally and even physically.  Who enhances your energy? Who sucks you dry?  Once we’re aware of how people are affecting us, we can start making informed choices about who we spend our time with; 2.  Pursue high-voltage relationships.  Try to bring positive energy into all of your interactions.  Intentionally stay close to people who do the same for you – in or out of the office.  Hang out with people, who help you grow intellectually, emotionally and spiritually; and 3.  Count the cost.  We can’t avoid all draining relationships.  Being a fruitful person, the kind of person who actually changes the world around you, means that you sometimes intentionally enter negative situations and work hard to transform them.  You are not afraid of problems or “problem people,” so you can’t, nor should you try to, avoid all negativity;

5924.  It’s also critical to know who the drains are in your life, why you’re spending time with them and what their impact is.  That “why” is important.  It means you’re fully aware of the reason for your relationship.  Some costs are worth it, but you need to count them nonetheless;

5925.  You can’t avoid all negativity, but you can do your best to change it;

5926.  Your goals may be sacred, but your strategy isn’t.  All that matters is whether or not it works.  If the answer is “no,” you should feel free (and compelled) to chuck it out the window and try something else;

5927.  A plan is still important.  You might be tempted to think creating a game plan to accomplish your goals is a waste of time.  Far from it.  After all, having a plan is what gets us in motion, moving toward our goals.  Without it, we would likely never get out of the gate.  Just remember to hold it loosely as obstacles arise;

5928.  Shifting gears from one strategy to the next presumes that you believe a better strategy exists, even if you don’t know what it is (yet).  Focus on staying out of a place of scarcity and in a place of abundance that says, “My best thinking and my best strategies have yet to be discovered.  There are always more ways to get there than I can see right now;”

5929.  Show your work.  If you’re leading a team, this is a critical final step.  You must explain your rationale for changing strategy to your team and you must enroll them in your vision.  This sets your team up for alignment with you and the willingness to follow where you lead, even if it’s disruptive in the short term.  As a leader, you must also be intentional about building a culture where flexibility, change and risk taking are affirmed, so when you display these traits, they are seen as positive and not negative;

5930.  Whenever you start to suffer, give yourself 90 seconds to stop it so that you can return to living in a beautiful state.  Gently breathe and slow things down.  Step out of the situation and start to distance yourself from all those stressful thoughts that your brain is generating.  When you slow down, you realize that you don’t have to believe these thoughts or identify with them;

5931.  What’s wrong is always available, but so is what’s right;

5932.  It doesn’t matter what you appreciate.  What matters is that by shifting your focus to appreciation, you slow down your survival mechanism;

5933.  To overcome fear, the best thing is to be overwhelmingly grateful;

5934.  Life is always happening for us not to us.  Even the most painful situations cause us to grow, to expand, to deepen or to care more.  There have been events in your life that you’d never want to go through again.  Yet when you look back on it 5 or 10 years later, you see the higher purpose in it all.  You see how life was actually working for you in that moment.  Even those moments of suffering turned out to be great triggers for growth;

5935.  Appreciation, enjoyment and love are nothing less than the antidotes to suffering.  It’s all about shifting your focus away from the illusion of loss, less or never and engaging your gratitude, appreciation and love for what you already have in your life.  Take all of your negative thoughts and all of your negative emotions, trade them for appreciation and your whole life changes in an instant;

5936.  A nap restores alertness.  The National Sleep Foundation recommends a short nap of twenty to thirty minutes “for improved alertness and performance without leaving you feeling groggy or interfering with nighttime sleep;”

5937.  A nap prevents burnout.  Taking a nap is like a system reboot.  It relieves stress and gives you a fresh start.  Research subjects, who nap, show greater emotional resilience and improved cognitive function.  Just thirty minutes can prevent the day’s wear and tear from frying your circuits;

5938.  A nap heightens sensory perception. According to Dr. Sara C. Mednick, author of Take a Nap, Change Your Life, napping can restore the sensitivity of sight, hearing and taste.  Napping also improves your creativity by relaxing your mind and allowing new associations to form in it;

5939.  A nap reduces the risk of heart disease.  According to a 2007 study published in the Archives of Internal Medicine, those, who take a midday siesta at least three times a week, are 37 percent less likely to die of heart disease.  Working men are 64 percent less likely;

5940.  A nap makes you more productive.  The secret to becoming more productive is not managing your time; it’s managing your energy.  Numerous studies have shown workers becoming increasingly unproductive as the day wears on, but a 2002 Harvard University study demonstrated a thirty-minute nap boosted the performance of workers, returning their productivity to beginning-of-the-day levels;

5941.  Tips for napping (at work): 1.  Be consistent.  Try to nap at the same time every day.  This helps stabilize your circadian rhythms and maximize the benefits; 2.  Keep it short.  Avoid “sleep inertia,” that feeling of grogginess and disorientation that can come from awakening from a deep sleep.  Long naps can also negatively impact nighttime sleep.  Nap between twenty to thirty minutes tops.  Set an alarm on your phone to avoid oversleeping; 3.  Turn off the lights.  Light acts as a cue for our bodies.  Darkness communicates it is time to shut down or go into standby mode.  If you can’t turn off the lights, use a simple eye mask.  Turn the lights back up to full brightness when you wake up; 4.  Use a blanket.  When you sleep, your metabolism falls, your breathing rate slows and your body temperature drops slightly.  Though not imperative, you will usually be more comfortable if you use a light blanket when you nap; and 5.  Be discreet.  Getting caught napping at your desk is not a good way to earn respect.  In some old-school environments, it might even get you fired.  But most people get an hour for lunch.  Eat in half that time and then go snooze in your car, an unused conference room or even a closet;

5942.  Effective leadership is an inside-out job.  Talent is important and so is education and experience.  But in the end, it is our character that makes or breaks us;

5943.  Three forces that shape character: 1.  The input we consume.  Computer geeks are fond of saying, “garbage in, garbage out.”  The same is true with our inner life.  One of the best ways to grow is by reading books, listening to podcasts and other audio programs and attending conferences.  But the opposite is also true.  Watching endless hours of mindless television, viewing pornography or uncritically ingesting the worst of popular culture erodes character.  We must be attentive to the input we consume.  It affects us in deep and profound ways.  It is the raw material out of which our character is formed; 2.  The relationships we pursue.  Jim Rohn taught that “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”  We have to be more intentional about the people we choose to associate with.  If you want to lose weight, hang out with people who make good diet and exercise choices.  If you want a better marriage, socialize with people who have healthy ones.  If you want to make more money, associate with people who are successful.  Conversely, dissociate from people who reinforce your worst traits.  None of us can afford relationships that pull us down; and 3.  The habits we acquire.  These are simply the consistent ways we think, speak and act in different situations.  They are largely unconscious, which is what gives them their power both positively and negatively.  Good habits lead to good outcomes.  If we develop the habit of praising our spouse in public, it contributes to a healthy marriage.  If we develop the habit of positive thinking, it can help us cope with adversity.  If we make healthy food choices, it can increase our energy, improve our productivity and extend our lives.  But bad habits can have the opposite impact.  If you make a habit of complaining about your boss, it can come back to bite you.  That’s why we have to be intentional about building good habits and breaking ourselves out of bad ones;

5944.  Research indicates we gain significant satisfaction from making progress toward meaningful goals, so the more we grind without an endgame, the more our quality of life suffers;

5945.  Clone hiring creates lopsided organizations with major talent gaps.  Build your team with diverse talents and temperaments;

5946.  Fear is an unbelievable waste of emotional resources and productive time;

5947.  Apparently, you’re supposed to walk from heel to toe (i.e., your heel lands first and you roll onto the ball of your foot and then to your toes). . . . Who knew?

Walk heel to toe;

5948.  There’s a drink made from orchids (i.e., salep);

5949.  Salep with cinnamon tastes like peanut butter (to me);

5950.  Discomfort is a catalyst for growth.  It makes us yearn for something more.  It forces us to change, stretch and adapt;

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5851.  It’s never wise to fall in love with an investment;

5852.  The best investors know they’re vulnerable to confirmation bias and, accordingly, do everything they can to counter this tendency.  The key is to actively seek out qualified opinions that differ from your own.  Of course, you don’t want just anyone with a different opinion, but rather someone who has the skill, track record and intelligence to give another educated perspective;

5853.  One of the most common and dangerous investing mistakes is the belief that the current trend will continue.  And when investors’ expectations aren’t met, they often overreact, leading to a dramatic reversal of the trend that previously seemed inevitable and unstoppable;

5854.  Investors project out into the future what they have most recently been seeing;

5855.  Recent experiences carry more weight in our minds when we’re evaluating the odds of something happening in the future (i.e., “recency bias”);

5856.  Humans have a perilous tendency to believe that they’re better (or smarter) than they really are.  There’s a technical term for this psychological bias: it’s “overconfidence.”  To put it simply, we consistently overestimate our abilities, our knowledge and our future prospects;

5857.  Countless studies have described some of the wonderfully absurd effects of overconfidence.  For example, one study found that 93% of student drivers believe they are above average.  In another study, 94% of college professors considered themselves above average in the classroom.  There was even a finding that 79% of students believed their character was better than most despite the fact that 60% admitted they had cheated on an exam in the previous year;

5858.  Men are especially prone to overconfidence when it comes to investing.  In fact, men traded 45% more than women, reducing their net returns by 2.65% a year;

5859.  Diversification is an admission that you don’t know which particular asset class, which stock or bond, or which country will do the best.  So you own a bit of everything;

5860.  We all have a tendency to want the biggest and best results as fast as possible rather than focusing on small, incremental changes that compound over time.  The best way to win the game of investing is to achieve sustainable long-term returns.  But it’s enormously tempting to swing for home runs especially when you think other people are getting rich faster than you.  The trouble is you’re more liable to strike out when you swing for the fences;

5861.  When it comes to investing, people tend to stick with whatever they know best, preferring to trust what’s most familiar.  This is known as “home bias.”  It’s a psychological bias that leads people to invest disproportionately in their own country’s markets and sometimes to invest too heavily in their employer’s stock and their own industry;

5862.  Human beings have a natural tendency to recall negative experiences more vividly than they do positive ones.  This is known as “negativity bias;”

5863.  Psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky demonstrated that financial losses cause people twice as much pain as the pleasure they receive from financial gains.  The term used to describe this mental phenomenon is “risk aversion;”

5864.  Losing money causes investors so much pain that they tend to act irrationally just to avoid this possibility;

5865.  Having financial wealth doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be wealthy as a human being;

5866.  When people dream of becoming rich, they’re not fantasizing about owning millions of pieces of paper with pictures of dead people on them.  What we really want are the emotions we associate with money: for example, the sense of freedom, security or comfort we believe money will give us or the joy that comes from sharing our wealth.  In other words, it’s the feeling we’re after not the money itself;

5867.  The first step to achieving anything you want is focus.  Whatever your focus goes, your energy flows.  When you put your entire focus on something that really matters to you, when you can’t stop thinking about it every day, this intense focus unleashes a burning desire that can help you obtain what might otherwise be out of reach.  A part of your brain called the reticular activating system is activated by your desire and this mechanism draws your attention to whatever can help you achieve your goal;

5868.  You have to give.  If you don’t give, there’s only so much you can feel inside and you’ll never feel fully alive;

5869.  You make a living by what you get.  You make a life by what you give;

5870.  The true nature of human beings isn’t selfish.  We’re driven by our desire to contribute.  If we stop feeling that deep sense of contribution, we can never feel truly fulfilled;

5871.  Becoming financially rich is not the key to fulfillment;

5872.  People often chase after money in the delusional belief that it’s a kind of magic potion that will bring joy, meaning and value to their lives, but money alone will never give you an extraordinary life;

5873.  Money doesn’t change people.  It just magnifies who they already are: if you have a lot of money and you’re mean then you have more to be mean with, if you have a lot of money and you’re generous, you’ll naturally give more;

5874.  Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure;

5875.  If you’re not fulfilled, you have nothing;

5876.  A person is but the product of her/his thoughts.  What s/he thinks, s/he becomes;

5877.  We can’t control all the events in our lives, but we can control what these events mean to us and, thus, what we feel and experience every day of our lives;

5878.  When you feel love, joy, gratitude, awe, playfulness, ease, creativity, drive, caring, growth, curiosity or appreciation, you’re in a beautiful state.  In this state, you know exactly what to do and you do the right thing.  In this state, your spirit and your heart are alive and the best of you comes out.  Nothing feels like a problem and everything flows.  You feel no fear or frustration.  You’re in harmony with your true essence;

5879.  When you’re feeling stressed out, worried, frustrated, angry, depressed, irritable, overwhelmed, resentful or fearful, you’re in a suffering state;

5880.  Most achievers prefer to think they’re stressed than fearful, but “stress” is just the achiever word for fear;

5881.  The mental and emotional state in which you live is ultimately the result of where you choose to focus your thoughts;

5882.  If you have trouble getting a good night’s sleep, try taking ZMA before going to bed;

5883.  Watch out for birds pooping outside of Bourbon Street Bar & Grille (BourbonNY.com) in New York City;

5884.  Apparently, pound cake is traditionally made with a pound each of flour, butter, eggs and sugar;

5885.  The difference between a cheese pie and a cheesecake is the crust;

5886.  I can say I’ve had New York cheesecake in New York (City);

5887.  You’ve got to love (the) sideboob on the New York City Subway (especially at the Fulton Street station);

5888.  When there’s several open seats together on a (New York City) subway train, there’s probably a good reason (why).  Be on the lookout for vomit;

5889.  A stone is fourteen pounds;

5890.  Apparently, Adam Duritz (the lead singer of “Counting Crows”) is an Iron Fist fan;

5891.  Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone;

5892.  The best way to predict the future is to create it;

5893.  Your level of success will seldom exceed your level of personal development;

5894.  Whatever you’re feeding, your mind will become what you send back into the world;

5895.  Joe Sumner sounds like his father (i.e., Sting);

5896.  Joe Sumner is a backup singer for his dad;

5897.  Acknowledge setbacks, but focus on the future;

5898.  Research shows that positive, optimistic people “get paid more” and the reason behind that compensation, including metrics showing “they will actually succeed” more often than their more dour coworkers.  Because they believe in a better future, researchers believe that they actually work hard to create it.  So it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy;

5899.  Physical energy is important for staying positive.  You’ve got to eat enough of the right things to keep energy in the tank and you’ve got to find a way to keep your body engaged.  Exercise is essential to positivity.  And so is a good night’s sleep.  You will not be at your best without adequate sleep which is a problem these days because Americans are getting a lot less sleep than they need;
5900.  Concentrating on your successes at the end of one day puts you in the right mindset to wake up the next day ready for something great to happen and the fire to help it along;

What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0117

5801.  If before dropping off to sleep you are assailed by worry, distress or fear, do not stay in bed.  Get up, turn on the lights, take a few deep breaths, read from a spiritual text, meditate for a few moments in front of a white candle, say a prayer – do anything other than staying there lying down.  You cannot defend yourself against these onslaughts while remaining snug in your bed.  If distressing feelings come back when you return to bed, get up, turn on the lights and try something else.  When you finally do feel peaceful back in bed, repeat your loving “I ams” and drift off to sleep ready to have your ears opened and your instructions sealed;

5802.  I am peaceful.  I am content.  I am love.  I am writing.  I am the governing power of the universe and I attract only to myself those who are in alignment with my highest ideals of myself;

5803.  August 26^th 2017 is the 20^th anniversary of the release of (the album) “Vegas” from “The Crystal Method;”

5804.  Caramel corn rice cakes are tasty;

5805.  Your thoughts usually follow your emotions;

5806.  Stories are made up;

5807.  Life is interconnected.  If you win at work, but fail in life’s other domains, you won’t be able to maintain that success.  Eventually, the bill comes due, and it’ll cost you your relationships, your health and more;

5808.  In times of crisis, we think we need leaders who are bold, confident and self-assured.  But this is completely wrongheaded.  What we really need are leaders who are humble and willing to listen;

5809.  The answers we get are often determined by the questions that we ask.  If we ask bad questions for the situation, we’re likely to get bad answers.  But if we ask better questions – empowering questions – we might get better answers;

5810.  Seven questions you can ask yourself when things head south: 1.  What does this make possible?  This helps to reorient you to look for new possibilities in the midst of troubles; 2.  What if it’s not the end, but a new beginning?  This helps to drag you out of that notion that you’re stuck.  Maybe if you look at it from a “new beginning” point of view, you can see something you missed; 3.  What if the answer is just over the next hill?  This question (and the next two) help to lengthen your time horizon.  You may not see the solution now, but how often has that been true before in your life?  Over time, you tend to work things out; 4.  What if I need this to prepare me for the next chapter?  Troubles often lead to changes in our lives.  We change jobs, shift careers and reevaluate things.  Maybe instead of asking “Why?” you should be asking “What should come next?” 5.  What will I tell my grandchildren about this?  This question adds an additional layer and helps to really pull you out of your “stuck” mental space.  It presupposes not only that you are going to get over this, but that you’re going to learn from it and distill lessons for future generations; 6.  What if God knows exactly what I need?  This question helps to reorient you spiritually.  It can help to consider that, even if we don’t quite get it yet, maybe God does; and 7.  What if God’s speaking to me in these troubles and blessing me?  This question helps to focus us on the blessings that can come from going through adversity;

5811.  Thirteen surefire ways to frustrate your hardworking employees: 1.  Be unresponsive.  Let their e-mails languish in your inbox.  Don’t return their voicemails in a timely fashion.  Let them wait for weeks; 2.  Cancel meetings at the last minute.  This is especially effective if they had to travel to the meeting or had to do a lot of preparation.  It’s a great way to show them that their time doesn’t matter; 3.  Yell at them in front of their peers.  This is even more dramatic if you can do it in front of their subordinates.  Nothing quite says, “I don’t have any confidence in you,” like public ridicule.  4.  Change your mind frequently.  This works best if you can get everyone excited about moving in a new direction.  Get them to invest lots of time, energy and money, and then suddenly change direction.  Bonus points if you don’t explain your rationale and leave them guessing; 5.  Don’t state your expectations.  Be vague.  Go silent.  Let them wonder.  When it comes time for their annual review, hold them accountable to specific goals that they should have guessed.  This way you can make them feel like a failure no matter how much they accomplish; 6.  Ask for things you know they don’t have.  If they present a summary, say, “Where’s the backup for this?  You don’t expect me to make a decision without the details, do you?”  If they present the details, say, “Do you have a summary?  You don’t expect me to wade through all these details, do you?”  Either way, keep them off balance; 7.  Focus on superficial things, ignore substance.  Log how much time they actually spend at their desk or in the office rather than evaluating what they actually accomplish.  Pay attention to their style and the way they dress.  These are way more important than the quality of their work.  Plus, they either have it or don’t; 8.  Micromanage.  Insist that they keep you informed of every step of the way on things you assign to them.  Second-guess their decisions.  Challenge their thinking.  Question every expense.  Give no slack.  They should spend more time answering your inquiries than getting any work done; 9.  Do all of the talking.  You’re the boss, right?  You got that job by being smarter, funnier and more experienced than the next guy.  Your subordinates need to shut up and listen to you – and take notes; 10.  Never praise them.  Take them for granted.  You are paying them to work for you.  When they do a great job, brush by it and give them a tougher assignment.  Keep raising the bar.  You don’t want them getting a “big head;” 11.  Catch them doing something wrong.  Be quick to trumpet their mistakes.  If you can do it in public, so much the better.  If they’re not perpetually discouraged, frankly, you are not trying hard enough; 12.  Remind them you are the fountain of all wisdom.  The only valid ideas are your ideas.  If you want their opinion, you’ll give it to them.  Find ways to explain why their ideas won’t work, unless you say them in your words; and 13.  Be moody.  A mercurial boss keeps everyone off balance.  Sometimes, you should be charming.  Other times, be angry.  But never let them know why.  Keep them wondering if it’s them or something else.  You want your people asking your assistant for a “weather report” before they meet with you.  “Is Bill in a good mood today or stormy?”  This will give them just enough hope to stay in the game, but ensure that they also stay frustrated, dreading each time they come into contact with you;

5812.  If you don’t want to frustrate and degrade your employees, all you have to do is start by inverting these suggestions:  Be responsive.  Clearly state your expectations.  Catch them doing something right, etc.;

5813.  S/he who needs the other person the least is in control of the relationship;

5814.  Put yourself in the position where you don’t need the other person as badly as they need you;

5815.  How do you do that?  Three suggestions: 1.  Be aloof at first.  Never fall in love with something you are trying to acquire – at least not at first.  Be a little aloof.  Don’t get emotionally attached.  Kick the tires; 2.  Don’t get too eager.  In negotiations, the first person to name a number usually loses.  So let the other person go first and pace your responses to theirs.  If they take 24 hours to respond, set your clock for tomorrow at this time; and 3.  Give yourself options.  This is important.  The more options you have, the more you will believe you don’t need any particular offer.  For example, if you want to sell a car at the best price?  Get multiple offers for it.  It will change your negotiating posture and put you in a position of strength;

5816.  4 ways to leverage positive expectations: 1.  Believe the best about people.  This may take a leap of faith, but it’s one that usually pays off.  Don’t look for every flaw in people.  Look for strengths, even hidden ones, that you can help build up;. 2.  See them as bigger than they are.  People usually think they’re less than they are.  So you have to over-dial it just to get them to see what they are capable of.  They sell themselves short.  You need to see them as good, long-term investments instead; 3.  Make your thinking visible.  Spell out your expectations when necessary.  Tell them you expect them to do the best they can.  When they fall short, you can draw them back to this vision of their best self; and 4.  Assume others will do it better than you could.  You may be very good at some things, but you’re not great at everything.  Don’t let your competence in a few areas lead to the sort of arrogance that lets you dismiss the best efforts of others.  They can do amazing things with a little positive reinforcement;

5817.  We usually get what we expect from others, whether we communicate those expectations directly or indirectly.  If we want to bring out the best in others, we must intentionally communicate the kind of expectations that will put them in the frame of mind to succeed;

5818.  (I know that hurt you.  )I’m sorry( for. . . ).  I was wrong.  Will you please forgive me?

5819.  “I’m sorry.”  Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in another person’s shoes and feel what they feel.  This is something we need to develop.  It takes humility.  Too often, we are preoccupied with our own feelings.  Empathy is the recognition that it’s not all about us.  Other people matter.  They have feelings, too, and those feelings are important.  By saying we are sorry – sincerely and with authentic humility – we validate them as human beings.  We are essentially saying, “I know you are hurt and I understand.  Your feelings are valid and I am sorry that I am the cause of them.  I’m not sorry because I got caught or because you called me out.  I’m sorry because of the hurt that I caused you;”

5820.  “I was wrong.”  This is the most difficult sentence of all.  Perhaps we live with the mistaken notion that we never do anything wrong.  Or perhaps we just think the other person should “give us a pass” because somehow we deserve it.  The truth is we all make mistakes.  If we are not guilty of sins of commission (i.e., deliberately doing something that offends others), we are guilty of sins of omission (i.e., failing to do what we ought and thereby offending others).  Religion can help prime the pump here.  One of the great things about being a Christian is being released from the need to pretend you are perfect.  We are sinners and we need forgiveness – from God and from the people we offend;

5821.  “Will you please forgive me?”  This is one of the most powerful sentences we can ever utter.  By phrasing this as a question, we acknowledge that forgiveness is not an entitlement.  We don’t deserve forgiveness.  We are asking for their mercy and forbearance.  This also acknowledges that it is a choice on the part of the other person.  They may withhold their forgiveness.  Perhaps they are not ready to make up.  They may need some space.  Yet, almost always the other person says, “I forgive you.”  With this simple sentence both of you are healed;

5822.  Focus on four ingredients in any job candidate (H³S): 1.  Humility: A humble person has a good sense of self, including a realistic grip on her/his strengths and weaknesses.  S/he makes other people feel smart and confident and is teachable.  S/he doesn’t gloat over her/his wins or downplays her/his mistakes.  S/he sees what needs to be done, pitches in and is excited playing her/his part on the team; 2.  Honesty: An honest person does not lie, exaggerate or misrepresent the facts.  S/he gives you “the good, the bad and the ugly” and owns her/her part.  You can bank on her/him keeping her/his commitments, even when it’s difficult, expensive or inconvenient to her/him; 3.  Hungry: A hungry person is driven to exceed whatever expectations are set for her/him.  Emboldened by a growth mindset, s/he’s always reaching for more and setting higher goals.  S/he relentlessly pursues the best solution and embraces change if it can take her/him or the company to a new level; and 4.  Smart: A smart person usually scores high on traditional IQ tests, but not always.  Some people are book-smart, but street-stupid.  A smart person is a quick study.  S/he can “connect the dots” without a lot of help.  S/he can think laterally and apply what s/he knows in one area to another.  S/he knows how to make complex subjects simple.  S/he asks thoughtful questions and is always eager to learn;

5823.  Meditation reduces anxiety.  Meditation tends to reduce the inner chatter that contributes to our anxiety.  Even short periods of meditation have delivered lasting benefits for people with anxiety disorders and would likely benefit those of us who just suffer from regular jitters;

5824.  Meditation boosts your focus and attention.  Both of these things are in short supply these days and are in danger of fragmentation from multitasking and social media.  Fortunately, researchers have found that “mindfulness training” likely improves “attention-related behavioral responses” by boosting our ability to focus;

5825.  Researchers had expected to find maybe a slight uptick in gray matter in select areas of our brains among folks who regularly meditate.  Instead, they are finding “significantly larger gray matter volumes” all over the place;

5826.  After just four days of meditation, one study found the unpleasantness and intensity of pain were reduced by 57 and 40 percent, respectively;

5827.  In 1994, a pair of researchers, named Joseph Raffiee and Jie Feng, set out to measure the success rate of business owners who stayed at their day jobs and started a business on the side versus those who quit their jobs to jump straight into full-time entrepreneurship.  For fourteen years, they followed the trajectories of five thousand American entrepreneurs and what they discovered was surprising.  The more cautious entrepreneurs, who did not quit their jobs, were 33 percent more likely to succeed, whereas the “risk-takers” were far more likely to fail.  In other words, it doesn’t pay to bet big;

5828.  It turns out that in the real world, the tortoise beats the hare.  Slow and steady really does win the race.  Whether you’re launching a dream, writing a book or getting into shape, most significant change starts with a step, not a leap;

5829.  Success always begins in the mind;

5830.  Frequent small steps beat occasional big leaps every time;

5831.  The first step to launching a big dream is just that, a step, not a leap.  Small changes over time lead to massive transformation.  You can do extraordinary things when you are patiently persistent;

5832.  One reason why diversification is so critical is that it protects us from a natural human tendency to stick with whatever we feel we know.  Once a person is comfortable with the idea that a particular approach works – or that s/he understands it well – it’s tempting to become a one-trick pony.  As a result, many people end up investing too heavily in one specific area;

5833.  It’s almost certain that whatever asset class you’re going to put your money in, there will come a day when you will lose 50-70%;

5834.  Individual investors can diversify by owning low-cost index funds that invest in six “really important” asset classes: 1.  U.S. stocks; 2.  International stocks; 3.  Emerging-market stocks; 4.  Real estate investment trusts (REITs); 5.  Long-term U.S. Treasuries; and 6.  Treasury inflation-protected securities (TIPS);

5835.  The holy grail of investing is to have 15 or more good – they don’t have to be great – uncorrelated bets;

5836.  Everything comes down to owning an array of attractive assets that don’t move in tandem;

5837.  According to Ray Dalio, by owning 15 uncorrelated investments, you can reduce your overall risk by about 80% and you’ll increase the return-to-risk ratio by a factor of five.  So your return is five times greater by reducing that risk;

5838.  Deciding on the right balance of stocks, bonds and alternatives is the most important investment decision you’ll ever make.  Whatever mix you choose, make sure you diversify globally across multiple asset classes;

5839.  Never bet your future on one country or one asset class;

5840.  Use index funds for the core of your portfolio.  For maximum diversification, you want exposure to stocks of all sizes: large-cap, midcap, small-cap and microcap;

5841.  You never want to be in a position where you’re forced to sell your stock market investments at the worst moment.  So it makes sense to maintain a financial cushion, if at all possible.  Make sure to have an appropriate amount of income-producing investments such as bonds, REITs, MLPs and dividend-paying stocks.  Also, diversify broadly within these asset classes: for example, invest in government, muni and corporate bonds;

5842.  The core of your portfolio is invested in index funds that simply match the market’s return.  But at the margins, it can make sense to explore additional strategies that offer a reasonable chance of outperformance.  For example, a wealthy investor might add a high-risk, high-return investment in a private equity fund;

5843.  Unsuccessful investors tend to buy the thing that’s gone up and sell the thing that’s gone down.  Rebalancing makes you do the opposite, forcing you to buy assets when they’re out of favor and undervalued;

5844.  There’s no need to fear market corrections and bear markets.  They provide the best opportunity to buy the bargains of a lifetime so you can leapfrog to a whole new level of wealth;

5845.  What counts is not reality, but rather our beliefs about it;

5846.  Beliefs are nothing but feelings of absolute certainty governing our behavior;

5847.  Beliefs can be the most powerful force for creating good, but our beliefs can also limit our choices and hamstring our actions severely;

5848.  It’s not enough to know what to do.  You also need to do what you know;

5849.  “Confirmation bias” is the human tendency to seek out and value information that confirms our own preconceptions and beliefs.  This tendency also leads us to avoid, undervalue or disregard any information that conflicts with our beliefs;

5850.  The “endowment effect” places greater value on something you already own regardless of its objective value.  This makes it much harder to part ways and buy something superior;