What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0237

11801.  According to Owen( Cook), he sees happiness in my eyes . . . and that I should take a dance or improv class;

11802.  I can say I’ve gamed/gone out with Owen( Cook);

11803.  You can love a person wholly without having to love all of him/her;

11804.  The notion of unconditional love is a myth.  Adult love lives in the realm of ambivalence, which means that relational ambivalence is part and parcel of all our relationships.  We have it with our parents, our siblings, our friends, which means that we continuously have to integrate contradictory feelings and thoughts between love and hate, between excitement and fear, between envy and contempt, between boredom and aliveness.  It’s, you continuously negotiating these contradictions, that ambivalence and living with that ambivalence is actually a sign of maturity rather than continuously evaluating;

11805.  The idea that you will be accepted unconditionally is a dream we have for our parents when we are babies.  It’s not part of adult love;

11806.  How do we set ourselves up for the best relationship(s) upfront?  There is no “one and only,” there is one person that you choose at a certain moment in time.  And with that person, you try to create the most beautiful relationship you can, but you could have done it with others.  Timing is involved.  Lots of things are involved.  But there is no “one and only;”

11807.  There is no soulmate.  Soulmate is God.  You can think that you have a soulmate connection with someone, that you have a deep, deep meeting of the minds, of the souls, of the heart, of the bodies.  But it’s a metaphor.  It’s not a person.  It’s the quality of an experience that feels like soulmates.  There is no unconditional love.  We live with ambivalence in our deepest love relationships.  There are things we like and things we don’t and things they like about us and things they don’t.  And moments they can’t be without us.  And moments where they wish, on occasion, they could be away from us.  That’s normal;

11808.  Distance is very important in a relationship.  Every relationship straddles freedom and commitment.  Togetherness and separateness.  Connection and independence.  In every relationship, there is often one person who is more inclined to the connection and one person who is more inclined for the separateness.  One person is more afraid of losing the other and one person is more afraid of losing him/herself.  One person is more in touch with the fear of abandonment and one person is more in touch with the fear of suffocation.  We all have both.  But we organize our relationship in which one of us will take on the role of this duality.  So we need connection and we need distance.  We need the things that are joint and together and we need the things that are separate.  The separateness doesn’t mean that there is deadness in the relationship.  So when you ask how long can we be apart, it depends on what you do with the space in between.  If you keep the space in between alive when you are away;

11809.  The University of Virginia sits on plantation land that belonged to James Monroe;

11810.  James Monroe was one of the founding board members of the University of Virginia;

11811.  When his presidency ended, James Monroe lived/resided at Monroe Hill now included in the grounds of the University of Virginia;

11812.  James Madison was the second rector of the University of Virginia.  He was appointed in 1826 after the death of Thomas Jefferson;

11813.  The thing about people who mean everything they say; they thing everyone else does too;

11814.  I can say I’ve been to a reception at a Smithsonian museum(, specifically “An Evening with President Jim Ryan” at the National Museum of American History);

11815.  If you take a sip of coffee and have to sneeze, the coffee’s going straight out of your nose;

11816.  Life hack: Salad (especially with a protein) makes a good filler for a burrito, sandwich or wrap;

11817.  If you have a craving for prime rib, on Tuesdays from 11:00 AM to 10:00 PM, the Light Horse Restaurant & Bar (TheLightHorseRestaurant.com) in (Old Town) Alexandria has a $20.00, (16 oz.) prime rib special;

11818.  “Kirk” is “church” in Scottish/northern English;

11819.  If a restaurant does not have good bread don’t bother with the cake;

11820.  You need to make your own tartar sauce to be considered a high-end seafood restaurant;

11821.  Dogs can eat acai in small quantities; however, acai contains theobromine, the same ingredient in dark chocolate that causes chocolate poisoning;

11822.  If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it;

11823.  If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no;

11824.  If you don’t step forward, you’ll stay in the same place;

11825.  Apparently, dogs should not eat pumpkin pie.  Pumpkin pie is high in sugar and fat, which can upset a dog’s stomach, especially for small dogs.  Pumpkin pie contains seasonings like nutmeg, which can be toxic to dogs.  Pumpkin pie filling also contains condensed milk, which can upset a dog’s stomach;

11826.  Turbinado (sugar) is a type of sugar that still contains some of its natural molasses, giving it its brown-blond color and light caramel flavor;

11827.  Rotary engines do not have (any) pistons;

11828.  Gillian Welch says her heart soars when someone cheers for the banjo;

11829.  David Rawlings believes no one would ever steal a banjo;

11830.  Meghan (Wallen) really likes icing.  She said she’ll eat the icing off doughnuts and cakes and leave the rest;

11831.  Relationships matter.  Some have a shelf life and others grow through your entire life;

11832.  What we hold in, holds us back;

11833.  What we are afraid to face minimizes our future;

11834.  It takes work, but it doesn’t have to be a grind.  Work ethic is part of the equation, but leads to burnout without clarity and collaboration;

11835.  Don’t let one thing define you: how you look, the size of your house, your car, your awards or accolades.  Those things don’t bring sustained happiness especially if you are trying to prove something to someone else.  Trying to prove something to someone else may be motivating initially, but it leads to bitterness and anger, fed by a feeling of lack, of scarcity;

11836.  Stay open.  Listen to your intuition.  Ask for support.  Ask better questions, more questions.  Not learned, but learning.  Not educated, but educating.  Not arrived, but present . . . in the moment;

11837.  I can say I’ve made out in the backseat of a car( specifically a Jaguar F-Pace);

11838.  The wrong philosophy combined with hard work limits impact.  It is a grind.  There is a reward, but it is limited;

11839.  If you want to play an exponential game, focus on value.  Add more value.  Grow your value;

11840.  Who helps you to see your potential?  What is holding you back from living your potential and turning it into profit?  Is it a bad partnership?  Procrastination?  Lack of mentors?  Lack of a community?  Scarcity?

11841.  Labor does not equal wealth.  You can work hard and not get ahead at the rate of inflation.  Or you can scrimp to save money only to have it lost to inflation as well.  Value equals wealth.  How you create it, how you store it, and how you understand it.  Value is the key;

11842.  Wealth is in the in between.  In between our ears certainly.  But also in between the events, the busyness that robs wealth.  Wealth happens in the moments and space of life.  In fun.  In fulfillment.  In freedom.  Freedom of choice.  Freedom of time.  Freedom to live where you want.  Freedom to work with who you want, when you want.  Freedom to provide, to create and to take a trip without feeling (or worrying about) the financial effects;

11843.  Some people step from moment to moment, event to event, with the inconvenience and effort draining life.  Doing too much on their own to save money at the expense of time and energy.  However, those with resources can focus on efficiency and become more effective.  The wealthiest people have more support.  This creates leverage of their greatest gifts and value.  The team matters.  Those who have a great team have earned ways to focus on the most productive things.  And for the truly wealthy, this means finding time to enjoy life along the way.  (Some just do more work even though they rarely, if ever, enjoy the fruits of their labor);

11844.  Some of the richest people rarely have a free moment or time for themselves because it is all about more.  They work to fill a void from earlier years with money, accolades and net worth.  Hoping to have respect or prove themselves or relieve their pain.  But this doesn’t mean they are fulfilled.  From the outside, it may seem this way.  But when it is only about more, more can destroy relationships, diminishes and discounts wins and drowns out the special things that money cannot buy;

11845.  As Coco Chanel famously said, “The best things in life are free, the second best are very, very expensive;”

11846.  You can earn money, but you can also earn happiness and the path may not always align;

11847.  When money becomes the reason or excuse for not having time, for not being present, for providing money over memories . . . when it becomes profits over people or a relentless pursuit at the expense of love, we lose.  The good news, it isn’t an either/or;

11848.  Money follows value.  It chases value.  Money doesn’t give a shit about effort.  Effort isn’t the key or determining factor;

11849.  Thinking is hard work.  Hiring people and developing skills can be difficult, but not as difficult as doing everything yourself.  The intelligent adage of smart work and hard work, but not hard and isolated work.  Collaboration is the key to value, to prosperity.  Scarcity and the consumer condition confuses people, causing them to think labor or time equal money;

11850.  The hustle culture spouts that we must sacrifice (family, memories, love) to have more money.  Again, there are those who earn it by giving up all other areas of life, but that isn’t required.  It will hold you back;