Monday, December 30, 2024

What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0236

11751.  Every new skill, every business breakthrough, every personal transformation, all reside in that gap between who you were and who you could become not in the space of exhaustion and overwhelm;

11752.  Reframe your relationship with discomfort as you progress through the year.  See it not as an obstacle, but as a signpost pointing toward your next level of growth.  Your future more resilient, more successful, more fulfilled, self is waiting on the other side of that discomfort;

11753.  Embrace the challenge.  Trust in your ability to grow.  And, remember, discomfort isn’t just part of the journey, it’s often the purest sign you’re on the right path;

11754.  The most successful people don’t just tolerate discomfort.  They actively seek it out.  They’ve learned to turn discomfort into their superpower;

11755.  3 strategies to transform discomfort into a continued springboard for success: 1.  Reframe Your Perspective: Instead of seeing discomfort as something to avoid, start viewing it as a signal that you’re on the right track.  When you feel that familiar twinge of unease or anxiety, smile.  It means you’re pushing your boundaries and growing; 2.  Practice Intentional Discomfort: Don’t wait for discomfort to find you.  Seek it out in small, manageable doses.  Take on a challenging project.  Have that difficult conversation.  Learn a new skill.  By regularly stepping out of your comfort zone, you’re building your resilience muscle; and 3.  Reflect and Celebrate: After each bout of discomfort, take a moment to reflect.  What did you learn?  How did you grow?  Celebrate these small victories.  They’re the building blocks of your future success;

11756.  Your adult self understands the value of this process.  But your child or teen might still resist.  That’s okay.  Acknowledge those parts of yourself then gently remind them of the growth that awaits on the other side of discomfort;

11757.  I can say I’ve seen Scott Bakula (i.e., Sam Beckett from “Quantum Leap”, Jonathan Archer from “Star Trek: Enterprise” and Dwayne Pride from “NCIS: New Orleans”) perform live( as Abraham Lincoln);

11758.  Abraham Lincoln served in the state militia during the Black Haw War, but saw no combat;

11759.  Abraham Lincoln served as the postmaster for New Salem;

11760.  Abraham Lincoln was not a member of any organized religion, but he did (read and) believe in the Bible;

11761.  I am very much a visual learner.  I need to see examples.  I don’t understand as well from hearing things and being lectured to;

11762.  Alexa Landestoy, Al Koken and Rachel Nichols look different in person than they do on television;

11763.  Nicklas Backstrom said, when he first came to the (Washington) Capitals, he, Mike Green, Alexander Ovechkin and Alexander Semin used to hang out a lot outside of the (ice hockey) rink;

11764.  Alexander Ovechkin says he doesn’t remember anything that happened when the (Washington) Capitals won the Stanley Cup;

11765.  Besides family events, Alexander Ovechkin said winning the Stanley Cup was the best feeling ever;

11766.  Apparently, Alexander Ovechkin isn’t superstitious about touching the Stanley Cup;

11767.  According to Stephan Jenkins(, the lead singer for “Third Eye Blind”), Alex LeCavalier (the bassist for “Third Eye Blind”) is a huge hockey fan;

11768.  According to Steve(n) Oleksy(, the former Washington Capitals forward), he’d rather play at Capital One Arena than Little Caesars Arena and he’s from Detroit(, Michigan);

11769.  I can say I’ve seen been at a bar (specifically District E) with Troy Brouwer, Eric Fehr, Rod Langway, Steve(n) Oleksy, Jeff Schultz, David Steckel and 20-some (Washington) Capitals alumni;

11770.  Chicken and waffles is messy arena food.  I’m talking about you, maple syrup;

11771.  It stands to reason, then, that to be witty, we need to be unconventional and unexpected in how we use language;

11772.  The comic triple surprises people because where they might expect a list to contain only 1 sentiment, the comic triple contains 2 and the 2 sentiments couldn’t be more different;

11773.  (Rebecca is right,) the smoked, creamy, chicken salad sandwich at Sweet Fire Donna’s in (Old Town) Alexandria is better with bacon;

11774.  Journaling provides the opportunity to learn new lessons from old experiences.  Reading your old journal entries is a bit like reading a great book for a second time.  You pick up on new sentences and see the past in a different way.  Only this time, you are re-reading the story of your life;

11775.  Journaling sharpens your memory.  Time will change your face without you noticing, but it will also change your thoughts without you realizing it.  Our beliefs shift slowly as we gain experience and journal entries have the ability to freeze your thoughts in time.  Seeing an old picture of yourself can be interesting because it reminds you of what you looked like, but reading an old journal entry can be even more surprising because it reminds you of how you thought;

11776.  Journaling motivates you to make the most of each day.  There is something about knowing that your day will be recorded that makes you want to make at least one good choice before the sun sets;

11777.  Journaling provides proof of your progress.  Writing down one sentence about what went well today gives you something powerful to look at when you’re feeling down.  When you have a bad day, it can be easy to forget how much progress you have made.  But with a journal, it’s easier to keep a sense of perspective.  One glance at your previous entries and you have proof of how much you have grown over the months and years;

11778.  Being authentic doesn’t always guarantee connection.  In fact, if you’re not careful, your authenticity might not resonate with others and, then you’re left feeling misunderstood;

11779.  It’s not just about being yourself; it’s about making sure that your authenticity is relatable.  That’s where the magic happens.  When you can express yourself in a way that’s true to who you are, but also resonates with the person/people you’re talking to, you create a powerful, genuine connection.  But there’s a balance to it.  You can’t compromise who you are to please others; that’s just people-pleasing.  At the same time, you can’t be completely oblivious to the vibe or context of the situation;

11780.  Not everyone will vibe with your energy and that’s okay!  It’s not a reflection of your worth, it just means that connection wasn’t meant to be.  The real win is staying true to yourself without bending over backwards to fit in;

11781.  Remember: Authenticity + Relatability = Connection;

Monday, November 25, 2024

What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0235

11701.  Any sticking point in your life right now, whether it’s in your career, relationships or personal development, can be traced back to where you stand on the “Scale of Transformation;”

11702.  The Scale of Transformation: 1.  Apathy: The lowest state, where you’ve given up and disconnected.  You might not even realize you’re in this state because it feels like nothing matters; 2.  Grief: This is where you feel like a victim.  It’s a step up from apathy because there’s at least some emotion, but it’s still a tough place to be; 3.  Fear: More energy here, but it’s you versus the world.  It’s the kind of state where you’re constantly worried and playing it safe; 4.  Anger: You’ve got fire and you’re ready to fight, but it’s still a competitive state.  You’re driven by the need to prove something; 5.  Courage: The first collaborative state.  Here, you’re not just reacting to life; you’re starting to create it; 6.  Desire: This can be a useful tool to keep you moving forward, but, be careful, your ego can hijack your authentic path if you’re not aware; 7.  Purpose: When you align with your true purpose, everything changes.  Life becomes less about proving and more about being; and 8.  Love: The ultimate state, where you’re fully connected to life and others in a deeply, meaningful way;

11703.  The challenge is identifying where you currently are in the “Scale of Transformation” and what advice you should be following based on that.  Too often, people try to jump too high, aiming for purpose when they’re stuck in grief and then they fail and give up.  Instead, focus on moving just one or two levels up at a time;

11704.  If you’re tired of surface-level changes that don’t stick, the “Scale of Transformation” offers a way to make deep, lasting transformation.  It’s about re-owning the parts of yourself that you’ve disowned and becoming whole again;

11705.  Reflect on where you are on the scale right now.  Identify the next level you need to aim for.  And start applying the right advice for your current state;

11706.  In today’s world, the key to connecting with others, whether it’s in a conversation or a presentation, boils down to one essential principle: You have to go first.  If you want others to feel passionate, you have to radiate passion yourself.  If you want them to be excited, you need to bring that energy first.  This is all about the “Law of State Transference:” What you feel, others will feel;

11707.  Too often, people get stuck in their heads, worried about how they’re coming across.  They hold back, try to play it safe and, in doing so, they miss the chance to truly connect.  When someone’s not fully present, when they’re unsure, it’s hard to engage with them;

11708.  Being charismatic and captivating requires vulnerability.  It’s not just about being authentic; it’s about letting go of your fears and truly expressing yourself.  Think of it like singing. It’s not just about hitting the right notes; it’s about feeling the music and letting it flow through you, regardless of judgment;

11709.  When was the first time you felt anxious?  Was it at birth or was it later?  Maybe it was when you were a child, learning about societal rules through punishment and reward.  Or when you were told to be quiet in a restaurant or felt embarrassed by a comment in school.  These early experiences shape how we react to situations today, triggering our old fears;

11710.  When we experience anxiety, it often stems from past experiences where we felt judged or rejected.  The key is to realize that these fears, while real, are disproportionate to the reality of the situation.  To truly break free, you need to confront these fears head-on.  Embrace them and don’t let them control you.  As Peter Levine describes in his book, “Waking the Tiger,” trauma can be released by allowing ourselves to “shake it off,” much like how animals in nature deal with stress.  By acknowledging and letting go of these old triggers, you get back to a more natural state of being.  It’s about being true to yourself, embracing your passions and letting go of the judgments you fear.  The day you stop being triggered is the day you truly find freedom;

11711.  Breakups are tough.  They can shake you to your core, leaving you feeling lost, hurt and, sometimes, even questioning your self-worth.  It’s completely normal to feel the way you do.  When a relationship ends, especially one that felt so intense, it can feel like your world is turned upside down.  You might be questioning everything; wondering if you’ll ever find someone like that again or if you’ll ever feel whole.  You’re not alone in this;

11712.  One of the most important steps after a breakup is to create some space between you and your ex.  This isn’t about avoiding them or pretending they don’t exist, but rather giving yourself the room to heal and rediscover who you are outside of the relationship.  It’s about learning to date yourself again so to speak.  If you can, limit contact for a while even if it’s hard.  Your well-being comes first.  Take this time to really explore who you are now.  You’ve changed because of this relationship and that’s okay.  Embrace those changes and figure out what they mean for you moving forward;

11713.  It’s also crucial to honor the grieving process.  Don’t stuff down those feelings or try to rush through them.  Feel them fully because that’s how you start to let go and move on;

11714.  Relationships, even short ones, can bring up a lot of old wounds and insecurities.  The relationship didn’t define you and the breakup doesn’t either.  Take some time to reflect on your patterns in relationships.  Do you shut down when things get tough?  Do you avoid conflict instead of facing it head-on?  These are important questions to ask yourself because understanding these patterns is the first step to changing them;

11715.  It’s also key to learn how to have healthy disagreements.  Conflict isn’t the enemy; avoiding it is.  Learn how to communicate your needs and frustrations in a way that’s constructive not destructive;

11716.  Remember, just because this relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean you won’t find love again;

11717.  You have so much time to meet new people and have new experiences.  But before you rush into anything new, take the time to heal.  Take the time to work on your relationship with yourself.  That’s the most important relationship you’ll ever have;

11718.  Start talking to your younger self.  Find a picture of yourself as a kid and put it somewhere you’ll see it often.  Whenever you look at it, remind that little version of you that they are loved, that they are enough and that they’re going to be okay.  Reconnect with that part of yourself because that’s where your true healing will begin;

11719.  Your leftover rotisserie chicken will last (quite) awhile if you debone it and store the meat in your refrigerator;

11720.  Apparently, Quinton DuBose’s brother-in-law is (the comedian) Shuler King;

11721.  Caleb Followill (the lead singer for “Kings of Leon”) sounds like Chris Stapleton’s whiny, younger brother;

11722.  If you have a craving for schweinshaxe (i.e., German roasted pork knuckle or ham hock), Old House Cosmopolitan (OldHouseCosmopolitan.com) in (Old Town) Alexandria has an off-the-menu special Thursday through Sunday;

11723.  I can say I’ve been to a members only, private bar in (Old Town) Alexandria (specifically the Aerie for the Fraternal Order of Eagles);

11724.  Meghan (Wallen) says she’s only ticklish around the ribs;

11725.  I can say I’ve been to an HFStival;

11726.  Emerson Hart (the lead singer for “Tonic”) said the song, “If You Could Only See,” was a song he quickly wrote, when he was 21, after a conversation he had with his mom disapproving of a woman he was in love with and right before he signed a record deal for “Tonic.”  He said he ended up marrying and divorcing her. . . . Apparently, his mom was right;

11727.  “Violent Femmes” songs (just) sound immature.  They don’t hold up over time;

11728.  Apparently, after their set/performance at a music festival( specifically HFStival), the members of “Lit” like to hang out in the crowd and have some beers;

11729.  Wes Johnson (the public address announcer for the Washington Capitals) used to work morning radio at WHFS-FM;

11730.  Apparently, HFStival (1995) was one of Bush’s first shows;

11731.  Incubus’s bass player (i.e., Nicole Row) is rather attractive;

11732.  Ben Gibbard (the lead singer for “Death Cab for Cutie”) seems a little autistic in how he (rhythmically) swings his guitar back and forth;

11733.  Ben Gibbard (the lead singer for “Death Cab for Cutie”) lived in Herndon, Virginia.  He went to a year of middle school and a year at Herndon High School;

11734.  Apparently, HFStival (2024) (on September 21st, 2024) is the last “The Postal Service” performance;

11735.  Ben Gibbard is the lead singer for “Death Cab for Cutie” and “The Postal Service;”

11736.  “The Postal Service” is pretty much “Death Cab for Cutie” plus Jimmy Tamborello and Jenny Lewis;

11737.  Ben Gibbard (the lead singer for “Death Cab for Cutie”) said he used to go to HFStival growing up;

11738.  According to Ryan Scott( from Top Chef season 4), you should have a cooking salt (i.e., Diamond Crystal kosher salt) and a finishing salt (i.e., Maldon sea salt flakes) . . . no iodized salt;

11739. According to Ryan Scott( from Top Chef season 4), the heat should be at 7 or 8 when grilling/searing;

11740.  According to Ryan Scott( from Top Chef season 4), you should have 2 oils for grilling . . . one for cooking and one for finishing. . . . Their smoke points should be between 350-400 degrees;

11741.  According to Ryan Scott( from Top Chef season 4), you should grill/sear your meat flat.  There should be no oil splattering.  You should smell the meat cooking and not burning.  And you should hear it cooking.  The meat should stay on 1 side for 70-80% of the time, flipped and the cooked to the desired temperature;

11742.  I can say that I’ve been lifted up by a Top Chef contestant (specifically Ryan Scott from season 4);

11743.  True transformation often manifests in the gap between our current self and our potential;

11744.  The moments of greatest discomfort often precede the most profound breakthroughs;

11745.  Our adult self understands that discomfort is part of growth.  But our child or teen?  They often interpret discomfort as a sign to retreat.  The key is learning to differentiate between harmful discomfort and growth-inducing discomfort;

11746.  Harmful discomfort feels like shame or fear.  It makes you want to hide.  Growth discomfort feels like a challenge.  It makes you want to push through even if it’s scary;

11747.  Deep down, when you feel that challenging discomfort, it’s a sign you’re pushing your boundaries.  You’re expanding your capabilities.  You’re growing.  It’s your adult recognizing an opportunity for evolution;

11748.  Where many people falter, they mistake growth discomfort for harmful discomfort and retreat to their comfort zone.  They let their child or teen take the wheel, interpreting the challenge as a threat rather than an opportunity;

11749.  It’s crucial to distinguish between growth discomfort and the harmful stress of overwork.  There’s a fine line between pushing for growth and pushing yourself to the breaking point.  Growth discomfort energizes you even as it challenges you.  It leaves you tired, but fulfilled.  Harmful overwork, on the other hand, leaves you drained, resentful and at risk of burnout.  If you find yourself constantly grinding, wearing “busy” as a badge of honor or neglecting your well-being in pursuit of success, that’s not growth that’s self-sabotage;

11750.  Every major achievement in your life so far has come from embracing healthy growth discomfort not from running yourself into the ground;

Monday, October 28, 2024

What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0234

11651.  While you are the hero in your movie, you’re just a background character in everyone else’s.  This realization can be incredibly freeing.  If you’re worried about what others think of you, remember, they probably don’t notice you as much as you think.  And if they do, they’ll soon forget.  So why stress?

11652.  The truth is, most people are too busy with their own lives to worry about you.  Think about it, do you spend your days thinking about everyone you’ve ever interacted with?  No.  They don’t either.  Even significant figures like Betty White or the Queen of England don’t occupy our thoughts daily, despite their massive achievements;

11653.  The Reality of Self-Importance: What if you were to die?  How long would people remember you?  The reality is not very long.  We all move on quickly, caught up in our own lives.  This realization isn’t meant to be depressing; it’s meant to be liberating.  When you understand that you’re not the center of everyone else’s universe, it frees you from external validation;

11654.  In today’s fast-paced world, attention spans are shrinking.  Social media has us scrolling past even 15-second videos.  This lack of focus affects our ability to engage in meaningful, nuanced conversations, which are crucial for personal and societal growth.  But there’s a silver lining; understanding that the world isn’t constantly watching you can help alleviate anxiety;

11655.  Embrace Your Authentic Self: Living authentically means putting your well-being first.  Why sacrifice your happiness for the approval of others who don’t truly know you?  You are the expert on yourself.  No one else can understand your life, your feelings or your experiences as you do.  Their opinions are based on their own projections and blind spots;

11656.  If a random person judged you harshly, it shouldn’t affect you any more than a child running up to you and saying, “You suck,” before running off.  Their opinion holds no weight because they don’t truly know you;

11657.  Stop Living in Reaction: Imagine living your life not to prove others wrong or to gain their approval, but for yourself.  Picture yourself on your deathbed, reflecting on your life.  What will matter then?  Not what others thought of you, but whether you stayed true to yourself and lived fully.  The biggest regrets people have at the end of their lives are not taking risks, not doing what they loved and caring too much about others’ opinions.  So why wait?  Why put off living the life you want for some mythical “someday?”  That day may never come.  You could die tomorrow.  Embrace the urgency of life and start living authentically now;

11658.  Take Action Today: Stop saying “someday” or “one day.”  These are the vocabularies of procrastination.  You don’t have forever.  Your time is finite and you should make the most of it.  Don’t wait for more time to pass.  Start today.  Reflect on your life.  Are you living authentically?  Are you putting your happiness and well-being first?  If not, what can you change today to start moving in that direction?  Remember, you are the hero of your story.  Live like it;

11659.  We’re always being guided; we just need to pay attention to it.  We can ask, then we listen and then we must pay attention to the guidance we receive;

11660.  It’s one thing to ask for guidance, but it’s entirely another to listen to the guidance you receive.  Sometimes what’s given isn’t what we wanted or expected, but it’s guidance nonetheless;

11661.  We often think that the world outside of us is the enemy, the force that holds us back.  But the reality is that the biggest barrier is usually internal.  It’s the way we treat ourselves, the way we talk to ourselves and the way we hold on to past versions of ourselves that we haven’t forgiven.  Take a moment to think about that younger version of you, the one you might still be angry with or ashamed of.  Maybe it’s the version of you that made some decisions you regret or the one that didn’t know any better.  Have you ever really forgiven that version of yourself?  Have you ever told them it’s okay, that you love them anyway?

11662.  Self-love isn’t about pretending to be perfect.  It’s about acknowledging where you are, where you’ve been and accepting all of it.  Even the parts you’re not proud of . . . especially those parts;

11663.  Find a picture of your younger self, the one you’ve been hard on and put it somewhere you’ll see every day.  Look at it and say, “I love you.”  Notice what comes up.  Is there resistance?  Breathe into it.  Let it go.  Start treating yourself like you would treat a child who’s learning and growing.  Would you yell at them for making mistakes or would you encourage them, love them and help them do better next time?

11664.  As you move forward, remember that your goals are important, but they don’t define your worth.  You are not incomplete without them.  True fulfillment isn’t found in the future, it’s right here, right now.

11665.  H&M (HM.com) will recycle your old clothes (except for underwear) and linens.  Just drop them off in the bin(s) by the cash registers.  They’ll even give you a 15% off coupon on your next purchase;

11666.  Atlas Brew Works (Alexandria) (AtlasBrewWorks.com) has a great Happy Hour deal; $10.00 for 2 slices of pizza and a pint of certain select beers and $5.00 pints for the same select beers Monday through Friday from 3:00 PM to 6:00 PM;

11667.  Psychologist Carl Jung: “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely;”

11668.  Failure is a part of life, an essential part of personal growth.  By fearing it, you are denying yourself the opportunity to learn and grow;

11669.  The only person you need to be good enough for is yourself.  And you already are;

11670.  Psychologist Carl Rogers: “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn from his/her experiences;”

11671.  Instead of seeing your past as a burden, see it as a valuable source of wisdom and growth;

11672.  If you’re carrying around past regrets or mistakes, remember this: The past is a place of reference not residence.  Learn from it then let it go.  The present is where your focus should be;

11673.  Planning for the future is important, but obsessing over every single detail is a recipe for stress and anxiety;

11674.  No amount of worry can change the future.  All it does is steal the joy of the present;

11675.  Eckhart Tolle: “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose;

11676.  Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, take a deep breath and bring your attention back to the present moment.  What can you see, hear and feel right now?  Ground yourself in the present and let the future unfold as it will;

11677.  The Lemonade Stand Lesson (Earning): It’s not about how hard you squeeze the lemons, but how well you pick your spot and price your product.  In adult terms, focus on leveraging your unique skills in the right market not just working harder;

11678.  The Piggy Bank Principle (Saving): Before you could spend, you had to save.  As adults, we often forget this chasing returns before building a solid foundation.  Are you taking care of the basics first?

11679.  The Allowance Allocation (Spending): Remember weighing whether to buy that toy or save for something bigger?  That’s the essence of budgeting – understanding needs versus wants.  How often do you pause before purchases now?

11680.  The Birthday Gift Revelation (Giving): Remember the joy of giving a gift you bought with your own money?  When you’re financially secure, giving becomes a source of joy and impact.  Have you experienced this lately?

11681.  Feelings of anxiety in me tend to manifest around my stomach.  Emotional eating makes sense if the anxiety is being misinterpreted as hunger;

11682.  The Abundance Mindset: When you view wealth as a pie to be divided, you limit yourself.  But when you see it as an ever-expanding resource, suddenly collaboration becomes your greatest asset;

11683.  The Network Effect: Your network is your net worth.  Each connection is a potential opportunity, insight or resource.  Are you nurturing these relationships?

11684.  The Synergy Principle: 1+1 can equal 3 when you collaborate.  Your skills combined with someone else’s can create value greater than the sum of its parts;

11685.  The Innovation Advantage: Collaboration breeds innovation.  And in today’s world, innovative thinking is a direct path to financial success;

11686.  Perfection is a myth.  No one is perfect and pretending to be only creates a prison of paranoia where you’re constantly afraid of being found out;

11687.  Only you get to decide who you are and how you feel.  So the next time you feel anxiety creeping in, take a step back and imagine you’re watching yourself on TV.  Laugh a little.  Embrace the absurdity of it all.  And, most importantly, keep reminding yourself that you’re the only one who gets to decide if this is a big deal or just another funny moment in the story of your life;

11688.  When we constantly look at others, wishing we had what they have, it’s often a sign that we’re not clear on who we are, what we value and what our personal win in life looks like.  The foundation of a strong identity lies in knowing exactly what you want and aligning your life around it;

11689.  Identify Your Core Values: Take a moment to list out what’s most important to you right now.  Is it money, health, relationships or something else?  Prioritize these values; if you could only achieve one, which would it be?  Then list them in order;

11690.  Audit Your Day-to-Day Life: Look at how you spend your time and energy.  Are your actions aligned with your top values?  If not, it’s time to make some changes;

11691.  Focus and Prioritize: Trying to excel in every area of life at once is a surefire way to spread yourself too thin.  Pick one area to focus on, give it your all and then move on to the next once you’ve gained momentum;

11692.  Embrace the Power of “No”: As you grow, opportunities will come your way.  The key is to say no to the ones that don’t align with your values even if they seem great on the surface;

11693.  When you know what you want and you’re on your own path, FOMO and envy fade away.  You stop comparing yourself to others because you’re too busy living your life authentically and in alignment with what truly matters to you.  So, what’s your win?  How can you start aligning your life around it today?

11694.  The most toxic relationship pattern is chasing people you’re not meant to be with.  Many adults still approach relationships like they’re in high school, focusing on who will make them look good or impress their friends rather than thinking about who truly aligns with their values and goals;

11695.  Start by mapping out your ideal relationship.  Who is your ideal partner?  What are their values, interests and passions?  Instead of being a “people pleaser” or feeling desperate to be with just anyone, get clear on what you truly want and deserve.  Think of this as creating your own “ideal partner avatar.”  Just like in business where you define your ideal client, you should define your ideal partner.  Write down everything – age, occupation, interests, values – everything that matters to you.  Then, start putting yourself out there authentically, speaking and acting in alignment with this avatar.  This will naturally attract the right people and repel those who aren’t a good fit;

11696.  You don’t need to find someone perfect; look for the raw material;

11697.  Relationships are about growing together not finding someone who fits an ideal mold right from the start;

11698.  When you find someone, be your true self – insecurities, flaws and all;

11699.  Real relationships start when the honeymoon phase ends and you both begin to see and accept each other’s true selves;

11700.  The most important skill in any relationship is knowing how to argue and fight in a healthy way.  Read “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High” (by Kerry Patterson et al.) and learn how to navigate disagreements.  It’s the key to building a strong, lasting relationship;

Monday, September 30, 2024

What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0233

11601.  Transformation often requires breaking out of your comfort zone and facing discomfort head-on.  It’s about being true to yourself, even if it means losing people who only resonated with your old self.  It’s about living in a way that, when you look back on your life, you can be proud of the way you played the game;

11602.  Take a moment to reflect.  What are the actions and pursuits that bring you the most joy?  How can you design your life to do more of what you love?

11603.  Embrace life as the grand adventure it is with all its ups and downs, and live in a way that makes your future self proud;

11604.  Distinguishing Real Breakup Pain From Triggered Sensations: The agony many people feel during a breakup often stems from triggered sensations rather than the breakup itself.  While breakups are naturally painful, these triggered emotions can amplify the distress, leading people to remain affected by their past relationships for years.  A critical question to ask yourself is, “Is my response appropriate to reality?”  This helps in identifying whether your reaction is due to the actual breakup or the triggered feelings from within;

11605.  The Importance of Processing and Letting Go: Fully processing and letting go of what is being triggered within you is crucial.  Surface-level solutions like dating others to get over an ex often keep the ex alive in your mind, perpetuating the cycle of pain.  Instead, the key to moving on lies in addressing and releasing these deep-seated emotions;

11606.  Engaging in Deep Self-Questioning: The “shadow questions” help in talking to your inner world, revealing hidden insecurities.  For instance, asking yourself, “Why is s/he better than me?” or “Why am I not good enough?” can unearth beliefs you may not be consciously aware of, but are affecting your self-esteem and relationships;

11607.  Embracing and Validating Your Emotions: It’s essential to honor and feel your emotions without judgment.  I liken this to comforting your inner child, suggesting that you should hug yourself and be present with your feelings.  By acknowledging and feeling the hurt, you prevent it from being suppressed and resurfacing later;

11608.  The Power of Authenticity: Authenticity is the cornerstone of healthy relationships.  From the very start, being unapologetically yourself helps in screening for compatibility.  Authenticity allows you to attract those who truly resonate with you while repelling those who don’t, saving you from future disappointments and heartache;

11609.  Finding Confidence Within: True confidence or core confidence, comes from within and is not dependent on external factors like looks or situational achievements.  Don’t derive your confidence from fleeting external circumstances.  Instead, focus on rediscovering the core confidence that has always been within you;

11610.  Crafting Your Ideal Relationship Vision: Creating a clear vision of your ideal partner and relationship dynamic can help in attracting the right person.  Write down the attributes of your ideal partner and the nature of your ideal relationship.  This clarity can guide you in your interactions and choices, ensuring you don’t settle for less than what you truly want and deserve;

11611.  Accepting the Grieving Process: “What is grief, but the continuation of love?”  It’s normal and healthy to feel grief after a breakup as it signifies the love and care you had for the person.  Allowing yourself to grieve is part of the healing process and should not be rushed or avoided.  Breakups are undoubtedly painful, but, by understanding and addressing the triggered emotions, practicing self-compassion, embracing authenticity and building core confidence, you can navigate through the pain and emerge stronger and more self-aware;

11612.  Remember that the journey through a breakup is not just about moving on from the past, but also about rediscovering and embracing your true self;

11613.  The sex life you want is usually on the other side of unspoken resentments;

11614.  (Using) honey as a coffee sweetener isn’t half bad;

11615.  Darius Rucker thinks “Let Her Cry” is the best song he’s (ever) written;

11616.  Darius Rucker said R.E.M. is the most influential band for “Hootie & the Blowfish.”  (He said) they used to play a dozen R.E.M. covers/songs when they first started playing;

11617.  Darius Rucker said he (originally) didn’t want to let Jim Sonefeld join “Hootie & the Blowfish” as their drummer, but, at the audition, he played a song he had just written.  That song was “Hold My Hand;”

11618.  “Hootie & the Blowfish’s” cover of “Interstate Love Song” sounded better than “Stone Temple Pilot’s” version at the 2010 DC101 Chili Cook-Off;

11619.  Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement: Accepting yourself doesn’t mean you stop striving for improvement.  It means you acknowledge where you are right now and choose to love yourself in that state.  You can work on your health, your skills, your life goals, but do so out of self-love, not self-hate;

11620.  Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head;

11621.  It can be totally fine not to know your purpose.  Sometimes you just have to live life, meander a bit and follow your curiosity in order to find out where you’re going.  But that doesn’t mean you’re lost;

11622.  Reflect on a recent situation where you felt triggered.  Instead of focusing on who or what triggered you, ask yourself what this situation is revealing about your inner world.  What core belief or past trauma is being activated?  Allow yourself to feel and explore these emotions without judgment.  Inner work is not about fixing yourself; it’s about becoming whole.  It requires courage to face the parts of yourself that you’ve disowned.  But by doing so, you unlock a deeper sense of fulfillment and freedom;

11623.  The (General Atomics MQ-1) Predator drone is a lot bigger than I thought it was (i.e., 6’9” in length by 27’ in width);

11624.  The Smithsonian’s National Zoo (and Conservation Biology Institute) (w.si.edu/museums/national-zoo) in D.C. is free, but you have to get tickets in advance;

11625.  Abraham Lincoln is the only U.S. president to hold a U.S. patent.  It was for “adjustable buoyant chambers” (i.e., inflatable rubber-cloth chambers) to help boats float over shallow spots;

11626.  If the only time you’re liked is when you’re putting on a front, that creates a golden prison.  You’re always walking around paranoid, afraid people will see through that facade.  Even if people like the fake you, it doesn’t boost your self-esteem – it hurts it.  Every person who likes the fake you reinforces the belief that the real you isn’t good enough.  So the first step to authenticity is to let go of the front.  Put your true self out there.  Yes, it might hurt if you’re judged or rejected, but it’s worth it.  The alternative – only being accepted when you’re someone else – is far more painful;

11627.  The goal isn’t to be liked by everyone; it’s to be loved by some and disliked by others;

11628.  Remember, being authentic starts with you.  If you can’t be authentic with yourself, how can you be authentic with others?

11629.  Is your parent’s approval more important than your own happiness?  It’s a tough question, but one worth reflecting on.  If you’re constantly playing a role to gain approval, the people who approve of you aren’t even seeing the real you – they’re approving of the facade.  When did you first start hiding parts of yourself to fit a certain image?  What would it mean for you to let go of that facade and embrace your true self even if it means facing disapproval from those you love?  This isn’t about rebelling or rejecting your loved ones.  It’s about being honest with yourself and them.  It’s about cutting the invisible umbilical cord that keeps you tied to an identity that’s not truly yours.  You can love and respect your parents while still being true to who you are;

11630.  Burnout isn’t caused by working long hours.  It’s caused by working on goals you don’t believe in for people you don’t like;

11631.  You can’t heal the people you love.  You can’t make choices for them.  You can’t rescue them.  You can promise that they won’t journey alone.  You can loan them your map.  But this trip is theirs;

11632.  The fear of stepping into the spotlight isn’t about what others might think.  It’s about your own anxiety, your own doubts and the belief that you’re not enough;

11633.  You don’t need anyone else’s permission to be you.  You don’t need to be perfect, or cool, or anything else.  You just need to be you;

11634.  Jared Leto (the lead singer of “30 Seconds to Mars”) doesn’t look like he’s 52;

11635.  Apparently, Jared Leto (the lead singer of “30 Seconds to Mars”) has a flamethrower;

11636.  Jared Leto said (growing up) he used to go to concerts with his (older) brother, Shannon, at Merriweather Post Pavilion;

11637.  Sometimes, there’s a good reason why Google Maps wants to take you to a side road;

11638.  If you feel “enhanced” by your friends, partner or anyone in your life, it might be a sign that something crucial is missing in your relationship with yourself.  That sense of incompleteness you feel when you’re alone; that’s not something anyone else can fix;

11639.  You are not half of anything.  You are whole.  When we base our happiness on someone else, it leads to neediness, fear of loss and manipulation.  The fear of losing that “other half” makes us cling, manipulate and ultimately destroy what we cherish the most;

11640.  If you can reach a place where you are completely okay being alone, where you don’t need someone to complete you, you can experience true love – one that’s built on wholeness not neediness;

11641.  Ask yourself: What if the universe told you that you’d be alone forever?  Could you be at peace with that?  If the answer triggers something within you, that’s what you need to work on.  Let go of the fears, the neediness and the beliefs that make you feel like you’re not enough on your own;

11642.  True love isn’t about two halves making a whole.  It’s about two whole people coming together, creating something amazing without losing themselves in the process;

11643.  It’s time to turn the mirror around.  Who do you have to become to be with the person you deserve?  It’s not about changing who you are, but reclaiming your power and doing the work to become the best version of yourself;

11644.  The espresso martinis at Estuary (EstuaryDC.com) (in the Conrad Washington, D.C.) are delicious . . . and dangerous.  You can barely notice the alcohol;

11645.  When you’re always looking to others to define your worth, you end up reacting to the world around you rather than owning your true self.  It’s like being stuck in what’s known as the “socialized mind,” where you’re always looking for validation from the outside – what’s cool, what’s acceptable, what will make you fit in;

11646.  The “self-authoring mind” is where you start to set your own definitions of success, your own standards, and, most importantly, your own frame of reality.  Instead of being a follower, you become the author of your own life;

11647.  Stop Looking for External Validation: Realize that what’s cool or high value is subjective.  What matters is what feels authentic to you;

11648.  Own Your Authenticity: When you fully embrace who you are (i.e., quirks, flaws and all), you start to build a strong internal frame that others naturally gravitate towards;

11649.  Don’t Impose, Just Be: True strength in your frame doesn’t come from imposing it on others, but from being so grounded in who you are that people are naturally drawn to you;

11650.  You can’t find peace and happiness by rejecting parts of who you are;