What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0084

4151.  Creating a future vision and setting future goals is how we live by design, rather than by default.  Without a future vision, life just happens and we spend our time and energy dealing with problems.  We’re not creating what we want, but rather reacting to what we don’t want;

4152.  It doesn’t matter how friendly your tone is or how honey sweet you are in a conversation, when you start your sentences with one of these words (or both), the message to your recipient is “You are wrong.”  What are these conversation stopping words?  They are “no” and “but.”  These words don’t say, “Let’s discuss this” or “I’d love to hear what you think about this” to people.  They say, unequivocally, “You are wrong and I am right;”

4153.  Where can you find (over) a dozen, tall, slim, long-haired blondes and brunettes with great legs (Irish dancing) in slinky outfits?  The answer is: Michael Flatley’s “Lord of the Dance: Dangerous Games;”

4154.  The decades of Irish dancing have really taken a toll on Michael Flatley;

4155.  It’s (kind of) cool seeing children inspired to dance after seeing a great performance;

4156.  Luisa breathes (kind of) quickly;

4157.  My (late) uncle, John, played the violin and guitar;

4158.  Why is it that pictures (always) seem to look better in black and white?

4159.  Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at the University of California – Riverside.  One of her main discoveries is that we all have a happiness “set point.”  When extremely positive or negative events happen – such as buying a bigger house or losing a job – they temporarily increase or decrease our happiness, but we eventually drift back to our set point.  The breakthrough in Dr. Lyubomirsky’s research is that you can make yourself happier – permanently.  Dr. Lyubomirsky and others have found that our genetic set point is responsible for only about 50% of our happiness, life circumstances affect about 10% and a whopping 40% is completely up to us.  The large portion of your happiness that you control is determined by your habits, attitude and outlook on life;

4160.  When you accomplish something great, that high won’t last.  It won’t make you happy on its own; you have to work to make and keep yourself happy;

4161.  Your happiness, or lack thereof, is rooted in your habits.  Permanently adopting new habits – especially those that involve intangibles, such as how you see the world – is hard, but breaking the habits that make you unhappy is much easier;

4162.  There are numerous bad habits that tend to make us unhappy.  Eradicating these bad habits can move your happiness set point in short order;

4163.  Amazing things happen around you every day if you only know where to look.  Technology has exposed us to so much and made the world so much smaller.  Yet, there’s a downside that isn’t spoken of much: exposure raises the bar on what it takes to be awestricken.  And that’s a shame, because few things are as uplifting as experiencing true awe.  True awe is humbling.  It reminds us that we’re not the center of the universe.  Awe is also inspiring and full of wonder, underscoring the richness of life and our ability to both contribute to it and be captivated by it;

4164.  Isolating yourself from social contact is a pretty common response to feeling unhappy, but there’s a large body of research that says it’s the worst thing you can do.  This is a huge mistake, as socializing, even when you don’t enjoy it, is great for your mood.  Recognize that when unhappiness is making you antisocial, you need to force yourself to get out there and mingle.  You’ll notice the difference right away;

4165.  We need to feel in control of our lives in order to be happy, which is why blaming is so incompatible with happiness.  When you blame other people or circumstances for the bad things that happen to you, you’ve decided that you have no control over your life, which is terrible for your mood;

4166.  It’s hard to be happy without feeling in control of your life, but you can take this too far in the other direction by making yourself unhappy through trying to control too much.  This is especially true with people.  The only person you can control in your life is you.  When you feel that nagging desire to dictate other people’s behavior, this will inevitably blow up in your face and make you unhappy.  Even if you can control someone in the short term, it usually requires pressure in the form of force or fear and treating people this way won’t leave you feeling good about yourself;

4167.  Judging other people and speaking poorly of them is a lot like overindulging in a decadent dessert; it feels good while you’re doing it, but afterwards, you feel guilty and sick.  Sociopaths find real pleasure in being mean.  For the rest of us, criticizing other people (even privately or to ourselves) is just a bad habit that’s intended to make us feel better about ourselves.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t.  It just creates a spiral of negativity;

4168.  Complaining is troubling, as well as the attitude that precedes it.  Complaining is a self-reinforcing behavior.  By constantly talking – and therefore thinking – about how bad things are, you reaffirm your negative beliefs.  While talking about what bothers you can help you feel better, there’s a fine line between complaining being therapeutic and it fueling unhappiness.  Beyond making you unhappy, complaining drives other people away;

4169.  People will like your clothes, your car and your fancy job, but that doesn’t mean they like you.  Trying to impress other people is a source of unhappiness because it doesn’t get to the source of what makes you happy – finding people who like you and accept you for who you are.  All the things you acquire in the quest to impress people won’t make you happy either.  There’s an ocean of research that shows that material things don’t make you happy.  When you make a habit of chasing things, you are likely to become unhappy because, beyond the disappointment you experience once you get them, you discover that you’ve gained them at the expense of the real things that can make you happy, such as friends, family and taking good care of yourself;

4170.  Life won’t always go the way you want it to, but when it comes down to it, you have the same 24 hours in the day as everyone else.  Happy people make their time count.  Instead of complaining about how things could have been or should have been, they reflect on everything they have to be grateful for.  Then they find the best solution available to the problem, tackle it and move on;

4171.  Nothing fuels unhappiness quite like pessimism.  The problem with a pessimistic attitude, apart from the damage it does to your mood, is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you expect bad things, you’re more likely to get bad things.  Pessimistic thoughts are hard to shake off until you recognize how illogical they are.  Force yourself to look at the facts and you’ll see that things are not nearly as bad as they seem;

4172.  Complainers and negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions.  They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves.  People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spirals.  You can avoid getting drawn in only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary.  Think of it this way: If a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke?  You’d distance yourself and you should do the same with negative people.  A great way to set limits is to ask them how they intend to fix their problems.  The complainer will then either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction;

4173.  You should strive to surround yourself with people who inspire you, people who make you want to be better and you probably do.  But what about the people who drag you down?  Why do you allow them to be a part of your life?  Anyone who makes you feel worthless, anxious or uninspired is wasting your time and, quite possibly, making you more like them.  Life is too short to associate with people like this.  Cut them loose;

4174.  The Happiness Research Institute conducted the Facebook Experiment to find out how our social media habits affect our happiness.  Half of the study’s participants kept using Facebook as they normally would, while the other half stayed off Facebook for a week.  The results were striking.  At the end of the week, the participants who stayed off Facebook reported a significantly higher degree of satisfaction with their lives and lower levels of sadness and loneliness.  The researchers also concluded that people on Facebook were 55% more likely to feel stress as a result;

4175.  The thing to remember about Facebook and social media in general is that they rarely represent reality.  Social media provides an airbrushed, color-enhanced look at the lives people want to portray.  Take it sparingly and with a grain of salt;

4176.  Having goals gives you hope and the ability to look forward to a better future and working towards those goals makes you feel good about yourself and your abilities.  It’s important to set goals that are challenging, specific (and measurable) and driven by your personal values.  Without goals, instead of learning and improving yourself, you just plod along wondering why things never change;

4177.  Fear is nothing more than a lingering emotion that’s fueled by your imagination.  Danger is real.  It’s the uncomfortable rush of adrenaline you get when you almost step in front of a bus.  Fear is a choice.  Happy people know this better than anyone does, so they flip fear on its head.  They are addicted to the euphoric feeling they get from conquering their fears;

4178.  When all is said and done, you will lament the chances you didn’t take far more than you will your failures.  Don’t be afraid to take risks.  People often say, “What’s the worst thing that can happen to you?  Will it kill you?”  Yet, death isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you.  The worst thing that can happen to you is allowing yourself to die inside while you’re still alive;

4179.  Like fear, the past and the future are products of your mind.  No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of anxiety can change the future.  Happy people know this, so they focus on living in the present moment.  It’s impossible to reach your full potential if you’re constantly somewhere else, unable to fully embrace the reality (good or bad) of the very moment.  To live in the moment, you must do two things: 1.  Accept your past.  If you don’t make peace with your past, it will never leave you and it will create your future.  Happy people know that the only good reason to look at the past is to see how far you’ve come; and 2.  Accept the uncertainty of the future and don’t place unnecessary expectations upon yourself.  Worry has no place in the here and now;

4180.  Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe;

4181.  We can’t control our genes and we can’t control all of our circumstances, but we can rid ourselves of habits that serve no purpose other than to make us miserable;

4182.  Use liabilities wisely and productively and remember that what makes an asset productive or not is you – how you decide to utilize the asset and how you apply your human life value to it;

4183.  Using liabilities wisely and productively means never borrowing money for personal consumption (i.e., consumptive liabilities);

4184.  Consumptive liabilities are any liabilities that do not produce a subsequent positive cash flow.  They are liabilities that incur an expense only, without a corresponding income from the acquired asset.  They take more money out of our pockets than they put in;

4185.  A good rule of thumb is never to borrow money to purchase things that don’t directly increase cash flow;

4186.  Choose your consumption wisely.  Never incur consumptive liabilities that exceed your assets and, therefore, put you into debt;

4187.  Never borrow to consume.  A good way to make sure you stick to this rule is to pay cash for everything that does not directly produce for you;

4188.  Do you want to live a life of mediocrity?

4189.  We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves;

4190.  If you want to guarantee yourself a lifetime of misery, be sure to marry someone with the intent of changing their behavior;

4191.  It is ridiculous to believe that we should strive to get rid of all of the liabilities in our lives.  Liabilities in and of themselves are value neutral – they can be either productive, consumptive or destructive depending on how we use them.  What’s productive for one person may be consumptive for another and vice versa.  It is our knowledge and financial intelligence that determines their productivity or lack thereof;

4192.  Price is a small concern relative to value.  Focus primarily on value and you will make and save more money in the long run;

4193.  Some people buy things they don’t want because they “got a deal,” others don’t buy what they need and can afford because it’s “too expensive.”  Price certainly is and should be one factor in our financial decisions – just not the main basis for our buying decisions;

4194.  According to the Federal Reserve Bank, 40% of American families spend more than they earn;

4195.  The natural result of buying the cheapest products and services with little or no regard to value or utility is stagnation and mediocrity;

4196.  Living within our means is important, but too often people are limiting their productivity through confining budgets; their primary focus is on not spending too much, as opposed to creating more value and increasing their productivity.  Rarely do people who hold to strict budgets think about ways to increase the size of their budgets;

4197.  Approximately 14% of Americans use half or more of their available credit and this group carries an average of 6.6 credit cards;

4198.  As long as we’re focused on price alone we’re never able to dream, envision, create and find solutions;

4199.  Savers and spenders both make the majority of their financial decisions based on price.  Spenders gloat about all of the “good deals” that they constantly find; savers are smug about not buying things.  Where spenders get excited about the items they found for cheap, savers derive a sense of fulfillment by not making purchases that, in reality, they probably should have made.  Spenders are reckless and foolhardy with their spending; savers are stingy and have limited productivity.  Both of them ignore value; the spenders buy lots of low-quality items and savers don’t buy much of anything, even when there are valuable things that would make them infinitely more productive if they could convince themselves to part with the cash;

4200.  Neither spenders nor savers focus on productivity – the spender is a profligate waster of productivity, while the saver is too busy conserving productivity (which is also a form of waste, since unused productivity can’t be regained).  Spenders exceed their current productivity, while savers suffer from considerable amounts of unused and unutilized potential.  Neither of these types is primarily focused on how they can create value in the world and neither of them fully understand stewardship; spenders consume value and savers hoard and limit value;