What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0086

4251.  We need to determine for ourselves how much we’ve allowed others to decide issues such as what we do, where we live, with whom we live and even how we’re treated.  We must know that absolutely no one else truly knows and feels what we’re here to accomplish, so we must give ourselves permission to hear our inner guidance and ignore the pressure from others.  The willingness to listen and act on our inspiration, independent of the opinions of others, is imperative;

4252.  When we begin to follow our ultimate calling, there will be a lot of resistance.  However, as we gain the strength to ignore the pressure to conform, resistance will diminish and ultimately change to respect.  When we steadfastly refuse to think, act and conform to the mandates of others, the pressure to do so loses its momentum.  All we have to do is endure some initial disapproval such as dogmatic persuasion, anger, pouting, silence and long-winded lectures and then we’re on our way to inspiration rather than frustration;

4253.  The people who receive the most approval in life are the ones who care the least about it – so technically, if we want the approval of others, we need to stop caring about it and turn our attention to becoming an inspired being of sharing;

4254.  Attempting to do something, even if it doesn’t succeed, is inspiring because we don’t tend to regret what we do, we regret what we didn’t do.  Even following a futile attempt, we’re inspired because we know that we gave it a shot.  It’s wondering whether we should or shouldn’t try something that leaves us feeling stressed and incomplete;

4255.  Sometimes the only way to move forward is to revisit the things in your past that were holding you back.  You have to deal with them head on, no matter how scary they may be.  Because once you do, you’ll see that you can go further than you ever imagined;

4256.  We tend to eventually despise whatever we make into our god.  When our god fails to respond in the ways we expect, we tend to respond in one of two ways.  We either blindly intensify our acts of worship or lash out in righteous anger;

4257.  “Nice guys” have a difficult time comprehending that in general, people are not drawn to perfection in others.  People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems and an individual’s life energy;

4258.  Humans connect with humans.  Hiding one’s humanity and trying to project an image of perfection makes a person vague, slippery, lifeless and uninteresting;

4259.  “Nice guys” work so hard to be smooth so nothing can stick to them.  Unfortunately, this Teflon coating also makes it difficult for people to get close;

4260.  It is actually a person’s rough edges and human imperfections that give others something to connect with;

4261.  Taking good care of the self is essential for changing one’s belief about the self.  If someone believes s/he isn’t worth much, her/his actions toward herself/himself will reflect this belief.  When someone begins to consciously do good things for herself/himself, these actions imply that s/he must be worth something;

4262.  Positive affirmations can help change a person’s core belief about herself/himself.  Affirmations replace old, inaccurate messages about the person’s worth with new, more realistic ones.  When used alone, the effects of affirmations are usually short-lived.  This is because these messages are contrary to the oldest, deepest beliefs the person holds about herself/himself.  Affirmations are only effective when used along with other processes that help change the person’s core beliefs;

4263.  The following are some possible affirmations: 1.  I am lovable just as I am; 2.  I am perfectly imperfect; 3.  My needs are important; 4.  I am a strong and powerful person; 5.  I can handle it; 6.  People love and accept me just as I am; 7.  It is OK to be human and make mistakes; and 8.  I am the only person I have to please;

4264.  If you want to win Rémy Martin’s “The Heart of Cognac Experience’s” mixing lab competition (to try and replicate Rémy Martin VSOP), try 6 ml of 4 year-old, 16 ml of 8 year-old and 8 ml of 14 year-old eaux de vie;

4265.  The 7-Eleven chicken sandwich is decent. . . . It’s no Chick-fil-A, but it’ll do;

4266.  All cruelty springs from weakness;

4267.  The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination;

4268.  “Nice guys” are terrible receivers.  Since getting their needs met contradicts their childhood paradigms, nice guys are extremely uncomfortable when they actually do get what they want.  Though most nice guys have a difficult time grasping this concept, they are terrified of getting what they really want and will go to extreme measures to make sure they don’t.  Nice guys carry out this unconscious agenda by connecting with needy or unavailable people, operating from an unspoken agenda, being unclear and indirect, pushing people away and sabotaging.  A good illustration of this dynamic is the way nice guys commonly try to get their sexual needs met.  Many nice guys express a heightened interest in sex, yet they frequently feel frustrated in their attempts to get these needs met.  This is usually because their actions pretty much guarantee that they won’t get what they believe they want;

4269.  “Nice guys” have an uncanny knack of picking partners who, because of childhood sexual abuse or other negative experiences with sex, tend to have a difficult time being sexually expressive.  When these partners do make themselves available to be sexual, it is not uncommon for nice guys to do something that further ensures that they don’t get their needs met.  The nice guy may respond by taking control rather than letting the sexual experience unfold.  He may focus on his partner’s sexual needs before she has a chance to pay attention to him.  He might start a fight by making a comment about her weight or her past unavailability.  All of these strategies pretty much ensure that the nice guy won’t have to experience the fear, shame or anxiety that might get triggered if he actually allowed someone to focus on his needs;

4270.  Imperfect humans can only connect with other imperfect humans.  Most folks tend to be attracted to individuals who have some substance and sense of self.  Chameleons usually don’t draw much of a crowd or get many ovations;

4271.  When a child’s needs are not met in a timely, healthy manner, the child may come to believe s/he is “bad” for having needs.  S/he may also think that it is her/his needs that cause people to hurt her/him or abandon her/him.  Typically people respond to these inaccurate interpretations of their life events by developing a number of survival mechanisms;

4272.  For “nice guys,” trying to become needless and wantless is a primary way of trying to cope with their childhood abandonment experiences.  Since it was when they had the most needs that they felt the most abandoned, they believed it was their needs that drove people away.  These helpless little boys concluded that if they could eliminate or hide all of their needs, then no one would abandon them.  They also convinced themselves that if they didn’t have needs, it wouldn’t hurt so badly when the needs weren’t met.  Not only did they learn early not to expect to get their needs met, but also that their very survival seemed to depend on appearing not to have needs.  This creates an unsolvable bind: these helpless little boys could not totally repress their needs and stay alive and they could not meet their needs on their own.  The only logical solution was to try to appear to be needless and wantless while trying to get needs met in indirect and covert ways.  As a result of these childhood survival mechanisms, nice guys often believe it is a virtue to have few needs or wants.  Beneath this facade of needlessness and wantlessness, all nice guys are actually extremely needy.  Consequently, when they go about trying to get their needs met, nice guys are frequently indirect, unclear, manipulative and controlling;

4273.  Ben’s Chili Bowl is overrated;

4274.  Life is not smooth.  Human existence is by nature chaotic.  Life is filled with experiences that are unpredictable and beyond anyone’s control.  Therefore, trying to create a predictable life in which everything always goes as planned is an exercise in futility;

4275.  Personal power is a state of mind in which a person is confident s/he can handle whatever may come.  Personal power isn’t the absence of fear.  Even the most powerful people have fear.  Personal power is the result of feeling fear, but not giving in to the fear;

4276.  The most important aspect of reclaiming personal power and getting what one wants in love and life is surrender.  Surrender doesn’t mean giving up, it means letting go of what one can’t change and changing what one can;

4277.  Letting go doesn’t mean not caring or not trying.  Letting go means letting be.  It is like opening up a tightly clenched fist and releasing the tension stored inside.  At first the fingers will want to return to their former clenched position.  The hand almost has to be retrained to open up and relax.  So it is with learning how to surrender and let go;

4278.  Pick one area in your life in which you routinely feel frustrated or out of control.  Step back from the situation.  Is the difficulty you are having with the situation the result of you trying to project the reality you want to believe onto it?  If you had to accept the reality of this situation, how might you change your response to it?

4279.  Your feelings are just feelings, they won’t kill you.  Regardless of whether a person is feeling anxious, helpless, shameful, lonely, rageful or sad, her/his feelings aren’t life-threatening;

4280.  Feelings are an integral part of human existence.  By learning the language of feelings, a person can begin to let go of a lifetime of unnecessary baggage.  As they do, they experience a newfound energy, optimism, intimacy and zest for life;

4281.  Some guidelines about expressing feelings: 1.  Don’t focus on the other person (i.e., “You are making me mad.”).  Instead, take responsibility for what you are feeling (i.e., “I am feeling angry.”); 2.  Don’t use feeling words to describe what you are thinking (i.e., “I feel like Joe was trying to take advantage of me.”).  Instead, pay attention to what you are experiencing in your body (i.e., “I’m feeling helpless and frightened.”); and 3.  In general, try to begin feeling statements with “I” rather than “you.”  Try to avoid the crutch of saying “I feel like” (i.e., “I feel like you are being mean to me.”);

4282.  Fear is a normal part of human experience.  Everyone experiences fear, even those people who seem to be fearless.  Healthy fear is a warning sign that danger may be approaching.  This is different from the fear “nice guys” experience on a daily basis.  For nice guys, fear is recorded at the cellular level.  It is a memory of every seemingly life-threatening experience they ever had.  It was born of a time of absolute dependency and helplessness.  It originated in not having their needs met in a timely, judicious manner.  It was fostered by fearful systems that discouraged risk and rewarded conservatism.  It was heightened by the reality that life is messy and chaotic and any kind of change promises a journey into the unknown (i.e., memory fear);

4283.  As a consequence of playing it safe, “nice guys” experience a lot of needless suffering.  Suffering because they avoid new situations.  Suffering because they stay with the familiar.  Suffering because they procrastinate, avoid and fail to finish what they start.  Suffering because they make a bad situation worse by doing more of what has never worked in the past.  Suffering because they expend so much energy trying to control the uncontrollable;

4284.  Facing present day fears is the only way to overcome memory fear.  Every time someone confronts a fear, s/he unconsciously creates a belief that s/he can handle whatever it is s/he is afraid of.  This challenges her/his memory fear.  Challenging this memory fear makes the things outside of her/him seem less threatening.  As these things seem less frightening, s/he feels more confident in confronting them.  The more this confidence grows, the less threatening life seems;

4285.  List one fear that has been controlling your life.  Once you decide to confront the fear, begin repeating to yourself, “I can handle it.  No matter what happens, I will handle it.”  Keep repeating this mantra until you take action and stop feeling fear;

4286.  When people are learning to tell the truth I encourage them to pay attention to the things they least want others to know, what they least want to reveal.  These are the things they are most likely to hold back – and the things they most need to tell;

4287.  Telling the truth is not a magic formula for having a smooth life, but living a life of integrity is actually easier than living one built around deceit and distortion;

4288.  Choose one area in which you have been out of integrity.  Identify your fear that keeps you from telling the truth or doing the right thing.  Then go and tell the truth or do what you have to do to make the situation right.  Tell yourself you can handle it.  Since telling the truth may create a crisis for you or others, have faith that everyone involved will survive this crisis;

4289.  Before you can start setting boundaries, you have to become aware of how much you back up from your line to avoid conflict or to keep the peace.  Observe yourself.  Do you say “yes” when you would rather say “no”?  Do you agree to do something to avoid conflict?  Do you avoid doing something because someone might get upset at you?  Do you tolerate an intolerable situation, hoping that it will just go away?  Write these observations down;

4290.  Men born after World War II had the misfortune of growing up during the only era of recent western history in which it was not always a good thing to be male.  This was primarily the result of two significant family and social changes in the post war era: 1) boys were disconnected from their fathers and other healthy male role models; and 2) boys were forced to seek approval from women and accept a female definition of what it meant to be male.  As a result of these two dynamics, many boys and men came to believe that they had to hide or eliminate any negative male traits (like those of their fathers or other “bad” men) and become what they believed women wanted them to be;

4291.  Most “nice guys” believe that by repressing the darker side of their masculine energy they will win the approval of women.  This seems logical considering the anti-male climate that has permeated our culture since the 1960s.  Ironically, these same men frequently complain that women seemed to be attracted to “jerks” rather than nice guys like them.  Many women have shared that due to the absence of any discernible life energy in nice guys, there is little to be attracted to.  They also reveal that their tendency to be attracted to “jerks” is because these men have more of a masculine edge to them;

4292.  As “nice guys” try to avoid the dark side of their masculinity, they also repress many other aspects of this male energy force.  As a result, they often lose their sexual assertiveness, competitiveness, creativity, ego, thirst for experience, boisterousness, exhibitionism and power;

4293.  One of the most visible consequences of the repression of masculine energy in “nice guys” is their lack of leadership in their families.  Out of fear of upsetting their partner or appearing too much like their controlling, authoritarian or abusive fathers, nice guys frequently fail to be the leader their family needs.  Consequently, the job of leading the family often falls on their wives.  Most women don’t want this job, but end up taking it by default;

4294.  Women view men who try to please them as weak and hold these men in contempt.  Most women do not want a man who tries to please them – they want a man who knows how to please himself.  Women consistently share that they don’t want a passive, pleasing wimp.  They want a man – someone with his balls still intact;

4295.  Masculinity denotes strength and power.  Because of their conditioning, “nice guys” tend to fear these traits.  As a result, they often become emotionally and physically soft.  Some even take pride in this softness;

4296.  Embracing one’s masculinity means embracing one’s body, power and spaciousness.  In order to do this, recovering “nice guys” have to stop putting junk into their bodies and train them to respond to the physical demands of being male.  This involves eating healthy foods, eliminating drugs and alcohol, working out, drinking lots of water, playing, relaxing and getting enough rest.  Whether the nice guy stays fit by running, swimming, weight training, martial arts, playing basketball, volleyball or tennis, this physical strength translates into self-confidence and power in every other aspect of his life;

4297.  Most “nice guys” do not report having had a close relationship with their father in childhood.  Either their fathers were passive, unavailable, absent or defined in some negative way.  Reclaiming their masculinity requires that nice guys examine their relationships with their fathers and take a look at them through adult eyes;

4298.  For “nice guys,” reexamining their relationship with their fathers means seeing their dads through their own eyes as they really are.  It means taking them out of the gutter or off the pedestal.  This may require that nice guys hold them accountable by expressing their feelings to them – including rage and anger.  This is essential, even if these men are dead.  Sometimes this takes place in their fathers’ presence, sometimes not.  It’s not so important that the father is available to do this work.  What is essential is that recovering nice guys embrace the male heritage they and their fathers share.  The goal is to find a way to view their fathers more accurately.  Recovering nice guys can begin to accept these men for who they were and are – wounded human beings.  This shift is essential if nice guys are going to view themselves more accurately, accept themselves for who they are and reclaim their masculinity;

4299.  Embracing masculinity involves coming to see dad more accurately.  To facilitate this process, create a list.  On the left side, list a number of your father’s characteristics.  Write the opposite characteristic on the right side.  Indicate where on the spectrum between the two that you see yourself.

4300.  When recovering “nice guys” do this exercise they are often surprised at what they discover about their fathers and themselves.  They often see how they have made their fathers into a caricature – a distortion of who they really are.  They may realize that if the man they have become is based on a reaction to how they saw their fathers, they too have become caricatures.  Remember, the opposite of crazy is still crazy.  They realize that if their lives are a reaction to dad, then dad is still in control.  They discover that they can be different from dad without being the opposite.  They often come to realize that they have more traits in common with their fathers than they had previously realized or wanted to accept;

What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0085

4201.  We should never stop learning.  The moment we think that we are who we are is the moment we give away our unrealized potential;

4202.  Recent research from the University of Rochester found that when you sleep, your brain removes toxic proteins, which are byproducts of neural activity when you’re awake, from its neurons.  Your brain can only adequately remove these toxic proteins when you have sufficient quality sleep.  When you don’t get high-quality deep sleep, the toxic proteins remain in your brain cells, wreaking havoc and ultimately impairing your ability to think – something no amount of caffeine can fix.  This slows your ability to process information and solve problems, kills your creativity and increases your emotional reactivity;

4203.  Price is (or should be) a relatively petty concern when it comes to making financial decisions.  It should be one factor, but it should never be the most important factor.  We must learn to make decisions based on what we want, rather than what we think our current income limits us to.  We don’t have to be subject to prices.  We set the intrinsic valuation that determines our perspective of anything external to us, including and especially the price of any product or service.  We decide what anything is worth to us and we don’t have to accept any price, any lack of quality or any deficiency of value;

4204.  A negative mind will never give you a positive life.  So think positive;

4205.  The “Chick’n Shack” at Shake Shack is (pretty) good, but I still like the taste of a Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich more;

4206.  The weekend of daylight savings time, the Metro closes the moment the clock moves forward an hour from 2:00 AM to 3:00 AM;

4207.  The (annual) St. Patrick’s Parade of Washington, D.C. is pretty similar to the (annual Ballyshaners’) St. Patrick’s Day Parade in (Old Town) Alexandria;

4208.  Both savers and spenders fall prey to the “Costco” mentality or the habit of buying things in bulk that they don’t really use.  The spenders are excited about all of the stuff they buy, while the savers are excited about all of the money they “saved” because they bought in bulk quantities.  The problem is that many false myths are perpetuated by our inability to differentiate between price and cost, price and value, and saving and utilization;

4209.  A bargain is something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist;

4210.  The most important thing to consider with all of our purchases should be value with the corollary of productivity.  Before we ever ask, “How much does it cost?” we should ask more important questions like, “Will this help me to increase my productivity?”  “Is this item of a high enough quality to meet my wants?”

4211.  The more we focus on value and quality, the more productive we can be;

4212.  Price should always come after value has been considered.  I’m not saying that we should live expensive lifestyles for the sake of lavish living – I’m talking about value and productivity.  It’s a given that if we’re comparing two items with equal value we should choose the less expensive item.  Stinginess and greed are equally destructive to human life value, but there are no universal guidelines for what prices represent the best value for an individual;

4213.  Value is closely aligned to, if not synonymous with, productivity.  When we’re comparing items to purchase, one might be cheaper than the other, but when the more expensive one has more value, it could make you more productive and the obvious choice should be the higher value.  It might cost you more money immediately, but in the macro view it will actually bring more money into your life;

4214.  To the extent that we focus on price at the expense of value, we create a market for mediocrity and poor quality;

4215.  Every dollar we spend is an invitation to whatever we spend it on to be a part of our lives; it is tangible evidence of what we consider valuable.  Every time we buy a mediocre product, we send the message that we want to live in a mediocre world.  When we purchase high-quality products, we send the message that quality and value are more important to us than price alone;

4216.  When we are overly concerned about price we adopt the do-it-yourself mentality that shuts off the option of leveraging other people’s abilities in our lives;

4217.  You can never know if any financial proposition will get you to where you want to go if you don’t know where you want to go;

4218.  You can guarantee success by aligning with principle, but it takes a dedication to education, a willingness to act and the courage to break through the stronghold of the myths and not follow the crowd.  It takes a consistent effort to choose faith in principles over the fear of how you might look to others.  It takes the ability to see past your present actions and thoughts to envision the end results and to ask yourself if it’s worth it to do what everyone else is doing even though it’s not working;

4219.  Nurture great thoughts, for you will never go higher than your thoughts;

4220.  If something is clearly wrong and ridiculous in one context, the chances are good that it will be ridiculous in other contexts as well.  Ironically, most people act in their financial lives in ways that they never would in any other area of their lives.  An excellent way to test if a financial teaching is a myth or not is to apply it to any other area of your life and see if it holds true;

4221.  Always be aware of how little you really know and never stop doing everything in your power to increase the depth and breadth of your education;

4222.  St. Patrick’s Day at Murphy’s (Irish Pub) in (Old Town) Alexandria is like any other day at Murphy’s.  There’s just more drunk people;

4223.  When you say “yes” to most everything and then later have to say “no” because you’re overcommitted, the outcome usually isn’t very pleasant.  A “Yes No” two-step leads you off course and out of alignment with your purpose.  It also disappoints friends, family and colleagues who rely on you;

4224.  On the other hand, saying “no” to nearly everything first and then carefully selecting the choices and commitments that truly merit your precious time and energy is life affirming;

4225.  When you bestow your “yes” upon a carefully considered request – as opposed to doling out a reflexive nod – you’ll also discover that you have time for the activities that matter most.  And when you are fully engaged with no excess time, you know you’ll be working on the priorities that matter most to you and most closely correlate with your purpose;

4226.  Dispense your “yeses” wisely.  Keep in mind it’s always better to say “no” upfront than to disappoint people later – or worse still – to stray far from your purpose because you casually uttered a three letter word;

4227.  When your body is metabolizing alcohol, it’s not metabolizing fat;

4228.  Roger Daltrey (the lead singer for “The Who”) doesn’t look like he’s 72;

4229.  Zak Starkey (the touring drummer for “The Who”) learned to play the drums from Keith Moon (the deceased drummer for “The Who”);

4230.  How risky something actually is has almost nothing to do with how risky we think it is;

4231.  People think skiing is safer than flying on a commercial aircraft, that smoking is less dangerous than being around handguns, and that nuclear power plants are riskier than cars.  But in each instance, the opposite is true;

4232.  Flying is the safest way to travel.  In the U.S., years often pass between deaths on a commercial airliner, whereas skiing and snowboarding deaths average 40 per year;

4233.  Two of the deadliest things in America are cigarettes and cars; each day the totals average 1,213 U.S. deaths from cigarette-exposure and 115 U.S. deaths from auto accidents;

4234.  Americans consistently rate nuclear power as one of the most dangerous of all technologies, it’s actually safer by any objective measure than most other forms of power.  A study from NASA’s Goddard Institute estimates that using nuclear power instead of fossil fuels actually saves lives;

4235.  When we are faced with fear, we can overcome it by answering the following questions: 1.  What’s the worst possible thing that could happen if my fear occurs?  2.  What’s the worst possible thing that could happen if I never overcome or eliminate this fear?  3.  What’s the best possible outcome I can expect if I don’t overcome or eliminate my fear?  4.  What’s the best possible outcome I can expect if I do overcome or eliminate my fear?  Answering these questions helps us to consciously deal with unconscious, instinctual fear.  It helps us realize that the outcome of not confronting and productively dealing with our fear is much worse than avoiding the things we fear;

4236.  Only when the structure is in place can true creativity flourish;

4237.  If you have your time properly scheduled each week, then you won’t feel guilty for enjoying a break, long weekend or even a vacation because you know that everything else that needs to be done is already accounted for;

4238.  An example where structure counterintuitively provides a higher quality of life is tracking and planning spending.  Being financially organized gives you permission to feel good about spending any “fun money” while still making progress on your savings, loan payments or investment funds.  In these cases, clarity and structure help you break free of worry, uncertainty and guilt;

4239.  The first set of rules to create structure in your life is called the “Stop Doing List.”  This list clearly articulates activities, projects or actions that you should refuse to participate in – no matter the circumstances;

4240.  Another set of rules to create structure in your life is a clearly articulated priority list.  Use this type of structure to determine rules around important aspects of your life (i.e., how much you travel, how you make family decisions, etc.).  If you aren’t clear about priorities, it is very difficult to make consistent, congruent choices;

4241.  A third set of rules is for relationships.  For example, if you have a tendency to be overly trusting and giving and, at times, it can get you into trouble.  Because of this, you’ve created rules about who you will or will not trust, do business with or even spend much time around.  If you have people in your life who are much more discerning with relationships, you can use their opinions as a litmus test as to who you let into your inner circle;

4242.  Create a “Not Doing List” based on where you have made mistakes, been burned or found yourself in bad situations in the past.  Look at each scenario and create a rule that will keep you from making that same mistake in the future;

4243.  Write down your priorities and rank them.  Put this list in a place where you will see it daily and use it as a guide for making decisions aligned with your purpose and long-term happiness;

4244.  Determine if there are any other structures that could support your success and implement them.  Some examples might be having rules about how you schedule your time, rules about how to treat employees and clients or even rules around your health.  Determine at least one place where structure would support you and get it in writing;

4245.  You are responsible for all of your investments.  If you jump into an investment without doing the proper research then you are to blame because you invested irresponsibly.  That’s true whether the investment is successful or not;

4246.  The majority of “nice guys” are talented, intelligent and moderately successful.  Almost without exception though, they fail to live up to their full potential;

4247.  The opposite of crazy is still crazy;

4248.  An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes him uniquely male: his power, his assertiveness, his courage and his passion as well as his imperfections, his mistakes and his dark side;

4249.  An integrated male possesses many of the following attributes: 1.  He has a strong sense of self.  He likes himself just as he is; 2.  He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met; 3.  He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality; 4.  He has integrity.  He does what is right not what is expedient; 5.  He is a leader.  He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about; 6.  He is clear, direct and expressive of his feelings; 7.  He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving; and 8.  He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict;

4250.  An integrated male doesn’t strive to be perfect or gain the approval of others.  Instead he accepts himself just as he is, warts and all.  An integrated male accepts that he is perfectly imperfect;