10401. The most
effective approach to meaningful connection combines compassion with a specific
type of empathy called cognitive empathy;
10402. Compassion: The daily practice of recognizing and accepting our shared humanity so that we treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness and we take action in the face of suffering;
10403. Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity;
10404. Empathy is the most powerful tool of compassion. It is an emotional skill set that allows us to understand what someone is experiencing and to reflect back that understanding;
10405. (Theresa Wiseman’s) Attributes of empathy: 1. Perspective taking; 2. Staying out of judgment; 3. Recognizing emotion; 4. Communicating our emotion; and 5. Practicing mindfulness;
10406. Pity is the near enemy of compassion;
10407. The far enemy of compassion is cruelty;
10408. On the surface, the near enemies of emotions or experiences might look and even feel like connection, but, ultimately, they drive us to be disconnected from ourselves and from each other. Without awareness, near enemies become the practices that fuel separation rather than practices that reinforce the inextricable connection of all people;
10409. Sympathy v. empathy: I feel sorry for you;
10410. Discharging discomfort with blame: This feels terrible. Who can we blame? You?
10411. Comparing/competing: If you think that’s bad!
10412. Judgment: You “should” feel shame!
10413. Advice giving/problem solving: I can fix this and I can fix you;
10414. Empathy: You’re not alone. I’m with you;
10415. What does support look like right now?
10416. Boundaries: A prerequisite for compassion and empathy;
10417. Cultivating meaningful connection: 1. Developing grounded confidence: Learning & improving; Near enemies: Knowing & proving; Far enemies: Protecting fragile self-worth; 2. Practicing the courage to walk alongside; Near enemies: Controlling the path; Far enemies: Walking away; and 3. Practicing story stewardship: Honoring story as sacred; Near enemies: Performing connection while driving disconnection; Far enemies: Not valuing story; Damaging trust & self-trust;
10418. The greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity or power, but self-rejection;
10419. What you aren’t changing, you are choosing;
10420. Triggers are your teachers. Let what triggers you, show you what needs healing;
10421. Salt intensifies the sweet and sour flavors in a margarita. It makes the sour seem brighter making the overall drink experience that much more pleasurable;
10422. We spend far more time fixated on changing ourselves than we do on accepting ourselves;
10423. Accountability starts with you. It means you are responsible. It’s not so much a way of thinking as a way of being and it starts from within;
10424. Accountability is about being reliable. Ask yourself, “Can people count on me to do what I say I’ll do as I said I would do it?” You must always keep your word;
10425. Accountability is ownership. It’s the willingness to hold yourself to account; it means taking total ownership no matter the mess up;
10426. Accountability is about creating clarity. When you are accountable you clear up the gaps and voids of expectations and what you are going to be doing;
10427. Accountability is about trustworthiness. When you are responsible and you make a commitment, you hold yourself to a high standard where others know and can trust in you;
10428. Accountability is a partnership. Partnerships are about support and mutual accountability; when you are held accountable by a partner, it’s important to recognize and respect the power of their intention and respond with appreciation rather than anger;
10429. Being accountable begins with accepting responsibility and leading from a place of action;
10430. Choices + Behaviors + Actions = Accountability;
10431. I am accountable means you are able to count on me: if it is to be, it’s up to me;
10432. Great leaders who are bound by their word are liberated by their accountability;
10433. Lead from within: You are the leader of your life. Consider the importance of accountability and work to incorporate it in every area you influence;
10434. Dark chocolate (flavor crème) Oreos are tasty;
10435. Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth;
10436. (I can say) I’ve had an oyster shooter (with Bloody Mary mix, Tabasco, Tito’s Handmade vodka & fresh lemon) at the Fish Market in (Old Town) Alexandria;
10437. The blackberry (Arnold) Palmer at the Chart House is (really) tasty;
10438. Remember that people: 1. Love to their level of self-love; 2. Communicate to their level of self-awareness; and 3. Behave to their level of healed trauma;
10439. Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either;
10440. The goals people pursue affect their long-term happiness;
10441. People are happiest when they pursue goals that connect them to other people. In the workplace, this is reflected in studies suggesting that when people see their work as connecting to a broader purpose and helping other people to achieve their goals, they’re more satisfied with their careers. And satisfaction with your work generally lifts your overall sense of well-being;
10442. You can distinguish between goals that are competitive versus cooperative. A comparative goal is one where you want to see yourself do better and the people you compare yourself to do worse. A cooperative goal is one where you try to lift up your family, friends or neighbors so that success means that everyone does well;
10443. The happiest people tend to engage in a lot of cooperative goals rather than competitive ones. This allows people to celebrate their own successes as well as the successes of the people around them;
10444. Very few things are completely good or completely bad. Most experiences have some positive elements and some negative ones. A great meal at a restaurant may have started with problems finding a parking spot or a table that was a little too close to a potted plant. Happy people tend to focus on the positives and to let the negatives of events fade into the background;
10445. The focus on the positive elements has two benefits for well-being. First, each event is more enjoyable in the moment because the focus is on the desirable parts of what is happening rather than the undesirable parts. Second, the information you focus on is the information that stays in memory. So, when you look back on the event later, you’ll remember the positive parts of it most strongly and that memory will also help to make you happy;
10446. Over the course of your life, people will do bad things to you. Even the people closest to you in your life will do selfish or mean things. One thing that happy people do well is to forgive others. The interesting thing about forgiveness is that it enables you to forget the details of what someone did that upset you in the first place. As a result, you will not be reminded of all those negatives when you see them or think about them in the future;
10447. The alternative to forgiveness is to hold onto the details of the bad things people have done to you in the past. The memory of social pain does not go away as quickly as the memory of physical pain because you can regenerate feelings of anger, shame or embarrassment just from thinking through a negative interaction with someone from the past. It’s hard to truly experience the physical pain of an injury when you think about it much later;
10448. Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that you will trust them completely in the future. There are people who are mean, selfish or unreliable that you might choose not to spend time with or do business with anymore. Still, forgiving them for what they did will help you to move past those interactions without harboring negative feelings that can drag down your mood or your satisfaction with life;
10449. More than 50% of the surface of the brain is devoted to processing visual information;
10450. Closing our eyes frees up the energy associated with that 50% allowing our brains much needed recovery;
10402. Compassion: The daily practice of recognizing and accepting our shared humanity so that we treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness and we take action in the face of suffering;
10403. Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity;
10404. Empathy is the most powerful tool of compassion. It is an emotional skill set that allows us to understand what someone is experiencing and to reflect back that understanding;
10405. (Theresa Wiseman’s) Attributes of empathy: 1. Perspective taking; 2. Staying out of judgment; 3. Recognizing emotion; 4. Communicating our emotion; and 5. Practicing mindfulness;
10406. Pity is the near enemy of compassion;
10407. The far enemy of compassion is cruelty;
10408. On the surface, the near enemies of emotions or experiences might look and even feel like connection, but, ultimately, they drive us to be disconnected from ourselves and from each other. Without awareness, near enemies become the practices that fuel separation rather than practices that reinforce the inextricable connection of all people;
10409. Sympathy v. empathy: I feel sorry for you;
10410. Discharging discomfort with blame: This feels terrible. Who can we blame? You?
10411. Comparing/competing: If you think that’s bad!
10412. Judgment: You “should” feel shame!
10413. Advice giving/problem solving: I can fix this and I can fix you;
10414. Empathy: You’re not alone. I’m with you;
10415. What does support look like right now?
10416. Boundaries: A prerequisite for compassion and empathy;
10417. Cultivating meaningful connection: 1. Developing grounded confidence: Learning & improving; Near enemies: Knowing & proving; Far enemies: Protecting fragile self-worth; 2. Practicing the courage to walk alongside; Near enemies: Controlling the path; Far enemies: Walking away; and 3. Practicing story stewardship: Honoring story as sacred; Near enemies: Performing connection while driving disconnection; Far enemies: Not valuing story; Damaging trust & self-trust;
10418. The greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity or power, but self-rejection;
10419. What you aren’t changing, you are choosing;
10420. Triggers are your teachers. Let what triggers you, show you what needs healing;
10421. Salt intensifies the sweet and sour flavors in a margarita. It makes the sour seem brighter making the overall drink experience that much more pleasurable;
10422. We spend far more time fixated on changing ourselves than we do on accepting ourselves;
10423. Accountability starts with you. It means you are responsible. It’s not so much a way of thinking as a way of being and it starts from within;
10424. Accountability is about being reliable. Ask yourself, “Can people count on me to do what I say I’ll do as I said I would do it?” You must always keep your word;
10425. Accountability is ownership. It’s the willingness to hold yourself to account; it means taking total ownership no matter the mess up;
10426. Accountability is about creating clarity. When you are accountable you clear up the gaps and voids of expectations and what you are going to be doing;
10427. Accountability is about trustworthiness. When you are responsible and you make a commitment, you hold yourself to a high standard where others know and can trust in you;
10428. Accountability is a partnership. Partnerships are about support and mutual accountability; when you are held accountable by a partner, it’s important to recognize and respect the power of their intention and respond with appreciation rather than anger;
10429. Being accountable begins with accepting responsibility and leading from a place of action;
10430. Choices + Behaviors + Actions = Accountability;
10431. I am accountable means you are able to count on me: if it is to be, it’s up to me;
10432. Great leaders who are bound by their word are liberated by their accountability;
10433. Lead from within: You are the leader of your life. Consider the importance of accountability and work to incorporate it in every area you influence;
10434. Dark chocolate (flavor crème) Oreos are tasty;
10435. Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth;
10436. (I can say) I’ve had an oyster shooter (with Bloody Mary mix, Tabasco, Tito’s Handmade vodka & fresh lemon) at the Fish Market in (Old Town) Alexandria;
10437. The blackberry (Arnold) Palmer at the Chart House is (really) tasty;
10438. Remember that people: 1. Love to their level of self-love; 2. Communicate to their level of self-awareness; and 3. Behave to their level of healed trauma;
10439. Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either;
10440. The goals people pursue affect their long-term happiness;
10441. People are happiest when they pursue goals that connect them to other people. In the workplace, this is reflected in studies suggesting that when people see their work as connecting to a broader purpose and helping other people to achieve their goals, they’re more satisfied with their careers. And satisfaction with your work generally lifts your overall sense of well-being;
10442. You can distinguish between goals that are competitive versus cooperative. A comparative goal is one where you want to see yourself do better and the people you compare yourself to do worse. A cooperative goal is one where you try to lift up your family, friends or neighbors so that success means that everyone does well;
10443. The happiest people tend to engage in a lot of cooperative goals rather than competitive ones. This allows people to celebrate their own successes as well as the successes of the people around them;
10444. Very few things are completely good or completely bad. Most experiences have some positive elements and some negative ones. A great meal at a restaurant may have started with problems finding a parking spot or a table that was a little too close to a potted plant. Happy people tend to focus on the positives and to let the negatives of events fade into the background;
10445. The focus on the positive elements has two benefits for well-being. First, each event is more enjoyable in the moment because the focus is on the desirable parts of what is happening rather than the undesirable parts. Second, the information you focus on is the information that stays in memory. So, when you look back on the event later, you’ll remember the positive parts of it most strongly and that memory will also help to make you happy;
10446. Over the course of your life, people will do bad things to you. Even the people closest to you in your life will do selfish or mean things. One thing that happy people do well is to forgive others. The interesting thing about forgiveness is that it enables you to forget the details of what someone did that upset you in the first place. As a result, you will not be reminded of all those negatives when you see them or think about them in the future;
10447. The alternative to forgiveness is to hold onto the details of the bad things people have done to you in the past. The memory of social pain does not go away as quickly as the memory of physical pain because you can regenerate feelings of anger, shame or embarrassment just from thinking through a negative interaction with someone from the past. It’s hard to truly experience the physical pain of an injury when you think about it much later;
10448. Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that you will trust them completely in the future. There are people who are mean, selfish or unreliable that you might choose not to spend time with or do business with anymore. Still, forgiving them for what they did will help you to move past those interactions without harboring negative feelings that can drag down your mood or your satisfaction with life;
10449. More than 50% of the surface of the brain is devoted to processing visual information;
10450. Closing our eyes frees up the energy associated with that 50% allowing our brains much needed recovery;
