8802. When a
culture’s standard of success is to “be extraordinary,” it then becomes better
to be at the extreme low end of the bell curve than to be in the middle because
at least there you’re still special and deserve attention;
8803. A lot of
people are afraid to accept mediocrity because they believe that if they accept
it, they’ll never achieve anything, never improve and that their life won’t
matter;
8804. The rare
people who do become truly exceptional at something do so not because they
believe they’re exceptional. They become
amazing because they’re obsessed with improvement. And that obsession with improvement stems
from an unerring belief that they are in fact not that great at all. It’s anti-entitlement;
8805. People
who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re
not already great. They are mediocre. They are average. And that they could be so much better;
8806. Your
actions actually don’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things;
8807. The vast
majority of your life will be boring and not noteworthy and that’s okay;
8808. Owning
your mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish
to accomplish without judgment or lofty expectations;
8809. Limitations,
failings, losses and setbacks are temporary. Pain and uncertainty pass. Time heals, but don’t watch time fly by;
8810. Our
values determine the nature of our problems and the nature of our problems
determines the quality of our lives;
8811. If what
we value is unhelpful, if what we consider success/failure is poorly chosen
then everything based upon those values, the thoughts, the emotions, the
day-to-day feelings, will all be out of whack.
Everything we think and feel about a situation ultimately comes back to
how valuable we perceive it to be;
8812. What is
objectively true about your situation is not as important as how you come to
see the situation, how you choose to measure it and value it;
8813. Problems
may be inevitable, but the meaning of each problem is not;
8814. We get to
control what our problems mean based on how we choose to think about them the
standard by which we choose to measure them;
8815. The
question is not whether we evaluate ourselves against others; rather the
question is by what standard do we measure ourselves;
8816. Our
values determine the metrics by which we measure ourselves and everyone else;
8817. If you
want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value
and/or how you measure failure/success;
8818. Pleasure
is great, but it’s a horrible value to prioritize your life around;
8819. Pleasure
is a false god. Research shows that
people who focus their energy on superficial pleasures end up more anxious,
more emotionally unstable and more depressed.
Pleasure is the most superficial form of life satisfaction and,
therefore, the easiest to obtain and the easiest to lose;
8820. Pleasure
while necessary in life (in certain does) isn’t by itself sufficient;
8821. Pleasure
is not the cause of happiness; rather it is the effect. If you get the other stuff right (the other
values and metrics) then pleasure will naturally occur as a by-product;
8822. Research
shows that once one is able to provide for basic physical needs (food, shelter
and so on), the correlation between happiness and worldly success quickly
approaches zero;
8823. The other
issue with overvaluing material success is the danger of prioritizing it over
other values such as honesty, nonviolence and compassion;
8824. When
people measure themselves not by their behavior, but by the status symbols
they’re able to collect then not only are they shallow, but they’re probably
assholes as well;
8825. People
who base their self-worth on being right about everything prevent themselves
from learning from their mistakes. They
lack the ability to take on new perspectives and empathize with others. They close themselves off to new and
important information;
8826. Denying
negative emotions leads to experiencing deeper and more prolonged negative
emotions and to emotional dysfunction;
8827. Constant
positivity is a form of avoidance and not a valid solution to life’s problems;
8828. The trick
with negative emotions is to: 1. Express
them in a socially acceptable and healthy manner; and 2. Express them in a way that aligns with your
values;
8829. When we
force ourselves to stay positive at all times we deny the existence of our
life’s problems. And, when we deny our
problems, we rob ourselves of the chance to solve them and generate
happiness. Problems add a sense of
meaning and importance to our life.
Thus, to duck our problems is to lead a meaningless (even if supposedly pleasant)
existence;
8830. Some of
the greatest moments of one’s life are not pleasant, not successful, not known
and not positive;
8831. Nail down
some good values and metrics and pleasure and success will naturally emerge as
a result. These things are side effects
of good values. By themselves, they are
empty highs;
8832. Good
values are: 1. Reality-based; 2. Socially constructive; and 3. Immediate and controllable;
8833. Bad
values are: 1. Superstitious; 2. Socially destructive; and 3. Not immediate or controllable;
8834. People
who are terrified of what others think about them are actually terrified of all
the shitty things they think about themselves being reflected back at them;
8835. Some
examples of good, healthy values: honesty, innovation, vulnerability, standing
up for oneself, standing up for others, self-respect, curiosity, charity,
humility and creativity;
8836. Some
examples of bad, unhealthy values: dominance through manipulation or violence,
indiscriminate sex, feeling good all of the time, always being the center of
attention, not being alone, being liked by everybody and being rich for the
sake of being rich;
8837. You’ll
notice that good, healthy values are achieved internally;
8838. Bad
values are generally reliant on external events;
8839. Values
are about prioritization. What are the
values that you prioritize above everything else and that, therefore, influence
your decision-making more than anything else?
8840. When we
have poor values, that is poor standards we set for ourselves and others, we
are essentially caring about the things that don’t matter, things that in fact
make our lives worse;
8841. When we
choose better values, we are able to divert our cares to something better,
toward things that matter, things that improve the state of our well-being and
that generate happiness, pleasure and success as side effects;
8842.
“Self-improvement” is really about prioritizing better values and
choosing better things to care about.
Because when you care better, you get better problems. And, when you get better problems, you get a
better life;
8843. Often the
only difference between a problem being painful or being powerful is a sense
that we chose it and that we are responsible for it;
8844. If you’re
miserable in your current situation chances are it’s because you feel like some
part of it is outside your control and that there’s a problem you have no
ability to solve a problem that was somehow thrust upon you without your
choosing;
8845. When we
feel that we’re choosing our problems we feel empowered. When we feel that our problems are being
forced upon us against our will we feel victimized and miserable;
8846. There is
a simple realization from which all personal improvement and growth
emerges. This is the realization that
we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives no matter the
external circumstances;
8847. We don’t
always control what happens to us, but we always control how we interpret what
happens to us as well as how we respond;
8848. Whether
we consciously recognize it or not we are always responsible for our
experiences. Choosing not to consciously
interpret events in our lives is still an interpretation of the events of our
lives. Choosing to not respond to the
events in our lives is still a response to the events in our lives. Whether we like it or not we are always
taking an active role in what’s occurring to and within us. We are always interpreting the meaning of
every moment and every occurrence. We
are always choosing the values by which we live and the metrics by which we
measure everything that happens to us.
Often the same event can be good or bad depending on the metric we
choose to use. We are always choosing
whether we recognize it or not;
8849. In
reality, there is no such thing as not caring.
It’s impossible. We must all care
about something. To not care about
anything is still caring about something;
8850. With
great responsibility comes great power.
The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives the more power
we will exercise over our lives;
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