What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0120

5951.  Discomfort is a sign we’re making progress.  When you push yourself to grow, you will experience discomfort, but it will be worth it;

5952.  You can either be comfortable and stagnate or stretch yourself, become uncomfortable, and grow.  You may think that comfort leads to happiness.  It doesn’t.  Happiness comes from growth and feeling like you are making progress;

5953.  Keep your word.  People have to learn that they can count on you to deliver on your promises.  If you commit to following up on something, do it . . . no excuses.  If you can’t do it, proactively let the other person know;

5954.  Tell the truth.  This is harder than it sounds.  Most of us like to think of ourselves as truth-tellers, but it’s easy to round up numbers, spin the facts or conveniently leave out the evidence that doesn’t support your position.  But if we are going to build trust, then we have to commit ourselves to telling the truth even when it is difficult or embarrassing.  People are more forgiving than you think.  They don’t expect you to be perfect; however, they do expect you to acknowledge your mistakes and to come clean when you screw up;

5955.  Be transparent.  People will not trust you unless you learn to share yourself, warts and all.  You have to take a risk and be vulnerable.  This creates rapport and rapport builds trust; however, be warned, you can’t use this as a gimmick or a technique.  If you do, people will see it as manipulation.  You have to be authentic.  The reason this builds trust is because you are demonstrating trust.  You are taking the initiative to go first. In essence, you are saying, “Look, I trust you.  I am taking off my mask and showing you my true self.  Some of it isn’t very pretty, but I am willing to take that risk, believing you will still accept me.”  This kind of self-revelation almost always gives the other person the courage to take off their mask too.  And that builds trust.  The relationship is deepened. It goes to a new level;

5956.  Give without any strings attached.  Nothing builds trust like love.  You have to be willing to share your knowledge, your contacts and your compassion without expecting anything in return.  The more you take the initiative to give, the more it builds trust.  Giving lets others know that you know it’s not all about you.  From this, people learn that they can trust you because you have their best interests at heart.  You aren’t merely looking out for yourself.  You’re taking care of them too.  But, like being transparent, you have to be careful how you give.  Otherwise, it will be perceived as manipulation.  You have to make sure your motives are pure.  You can’t expect something in return;

5957.  (I think) Katy Perry looks better with long(er) hair;

5958.  Apparently, Katy Perry’s mom hates the song, “I Kissed a Girl;”

5959.  Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else;

5960.  Distrust is what I have shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you;

5961.  When we trust, we are braving connection with someone;

5962.  Anatomy of trust: B(oundary)R(eliability)A(ccountability)V(ault)I(ntegrity)N(onjudgment)G(enerosity);

5963.  Boundary: I trust you if you are clear about your boundaries and you hold them and you’re clear about my boundaries and you respect them;

5964.  There is no trust without boundaries;

5965.  Reliability: I can only trust you if you do what you say you’re going to do and not only once;

5966.  Reliability is you do what you say you’re going to do over and over and over again;

5967.  In our working lives, reliability means that we have to be very clear on our limitations so we don’t take on so much that we come up short and don’t deliver on our commitments.  In our personal life, it means the same thing;

5968.  Accountability: I can only trust you, if when you make a mistake, you’re willing to own it, apologize for it and make amends.  I can only trust you, if when I make a mistake, I am allowed to own it, apologize for it and make amends;

5969.  If there’s no accountability, there’s no trust;

5970.  Vault: What I share with you, you will hold in confidence.  What you share with me, I will hold in confidence.  You respect my story, but you respect other peoples’ stories too;

5971.  Integrity: I cannot trust you and be in a trusting relationship with you, if you do not act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same;

5972.  What is integrity: 1.  Choosing courage over comfort; 2.  Choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast or easy; and 3.  Practicing your values and not just professing your values;

5973.  Nonjudgment: I can fall apart, ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by you and you can fall apart and be in struggle and ask for help without being judged by me;

5974.  If you can’t ask for help and they cannot reciprocate by helping you then that is not a trusting relationship;
5975.  When we assign value to needing help or when I think less of myself for needing help (whether you’re conscious of it or not), when you offer help to someone else, you think less of them too.  In other words, you cannot judge yourself for needing help, but not judge others for needing your help;
5976.  Real trust doesn’t exist unless help is reciprocal and nonjudgmental;

5977.  Generosity: Our relationship is only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous things about my words, intentions and behaviors and then check in with me.  So if I screw up, say something, forget something, you will make a generous assumption;

5978.  A change of feeling is a change of destiny;

5979.  If this assumption is persisted in until it becomes your dominant feeling, the attainment of your ideal is inevitable;

5980.  Balance is not the same as rest.  If we think that attaining balance means finally getting a much-needed break then we’re missing something important.  It’s not about rest, though it does include it.  Balance is about distributing demands so we can stay on track.  And sometimes that takes a lot of work;

5981.  Balance is dynamic.  “Life is like riding a bicycle,” Albert Einstein said.  “In order to keep your balance, you must keep moving.”  The slower you go, the more trouble it is to keep your bike up.  Momentum helps us stay on course.  It’s the same for all the corrections and adjustments we make along the way.  Balance requires tweaking our schedule, task lists and more.  If you have it right one week, it still requires attention the next;

5982.  Balance is intentional.  Our bodies are programed to stay upright, but it takes a bit more focus when it comes to the complex responsibilities and relationships that make up our lives.  We have to make purposeful decisions and actions if we want balance.  It’s not accidental.  Those decisions and actions will look different for each of us, but they’re essential for all of us just the same;

5983.  Balance isn’t easy, fast or always fun.  It requires constant movement and constant attention;

5984.  Sometimes when we’re doing exactly what is required to keep our balance, we feel the most unbalanced.  That’s only because we’ve misunderstood balance; we expect it to do something for our lives that it can’t.  But once we adjust our perspective, we can see it for what it is: a difficult, but necessary way to approach our lives.  Rather than be discouraged when the challenge becomes hard, we can recognize the difficulty as just part of the course;

5985.  The key to discipline is goal-setting;

5986.  Steps to be disciplined: 1.  Determine your goal: The key is in knowing what you really want.  If you are going to succeed, you must be specific.  You must be able to see it.  Write it down and, while you’re at it, add a “by when” date.  Here’s an example: I will lose 10 pounds by December 31, 2016; 2.  List your reasons: This is often the missing piece in both goal-setting and discipline.  You have to ask, “Why is this goal important?  What is at stake in my achieving it?””  List both the positive and negative reasons; and 3.  Identify likely obstacles: As soon as you start swimming against the current, you will start feeling resistance.  It’s as if the universe conspires to keep you from succeeding.  That’s why you have to anticipate these obstacles and build strategies to overcome them.  Examples: Obstacle: Mindlessly eating for lunch what I always eat.  Strategy: Plan my lunch before I leave the house – where and what I will eat.  Obstacle: Inability to work out on the road.  Strategy: Make sure the hotel has a workout room before I book it.  Also, pack my workout clothes and shoes.  Obstacle: Eating more calories than I intend.  Strategy: Record everything in LoseIt, thus, educating myself about the calorie-count of various foods.  Researchers call these strategies implementation intentions; 4.  Develop new behaviors: This is where you should focus.  What are the positive, new behaviors you want to develop to replace the old, negative behaviors?  Examples: Drink two-and-a-half liters of water a day to stay hydrated.  Eat healthy snacks like raw almonds, celery, carrots and so on.  Chose simple grilled fish or chicken rather than beef; and 5.  Stay focused: Read your goals daily, review your reasons why, anticipate obstacles and work on your new behaviors.  If you get off-track, don’t beat yourself up.  Sometimes, it’s three steps forward and two steps back.  The trick is to shake it off and relock on your goal;

5987.  Discipline is not really about willpower so much as focusing on what you really want.  If you get clear on that, it suddenly becomes much easier;

5988.  Yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow is only a vision.  But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope;

5989.  The psychological shift from scarcity to abundance makes you wealthy and brings you a glorious sense of freedom.  In making this shift, you’re training your brain to recognize that there’s so much more available for you to give, to appreciate and to love;

5990.  It’s not just money that you can donate.  You can also give your time, your talent, your love, your compassion, (and) your heart;

5991.  Most people know that the proceeds from a life insurance policy are not subject to income tax; however, it’s not as widely known that the proceeds are subject to estate tax;

5992.  The phrase, “To thine own self be true,” comes from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, but it became popular through self-help books and programs.  If you’ve ever read or seen the play, you know the full story. The phrase comes after advice about being prudent and preserving friendships.  The idea is that we are true to ourselves so that others can count on what we say.  It was about having true integrity.  But if you listen to the way people use it today, they usually mean something else.  “To thine own self be true” is often used as an excuse to do whatever a person wants instead of what’s expected or even what they’ve already committed to.  This is suicide in business and the rest of life;

5993.  Honesty is making your words conform to reality.  Integrity is making reality conform to your words;

5994.  Trust depends on integrity.  If people can’t rely on your word, they won’t trust you.  They may extend some grace, but eventually, people will doubt and disbelieve;

5995.  Influence depends on trust.  People will refuse the influence of leaders they distrust;

5996.  Impact depends on influence.  You can’t make the impact you want unless you can influence others and shift their behavior;

5997.  Think of relationships: marriage, parenting, church, etc.  The strength of our relationships is measured by how much people can count on us.  If we’re not true to our word that means our relationships will be as unreliable as we are;

5998.  There’s nothing wrong with asking to be released from a commitment.  But if we can’t get free, then we need to make good on it.  If we try living true to ourselves at the expense of others, it’ll cost us our relationships, our success and ultimately everything of real and lasting value;

5999.  Leadership is less about having the right answers and more about having the right questions;
6000.  Apparently, the “Goo Goo Dolls” think they’re still relevant. . . . You’re not allowed to stand by the area where they’re being picked up by their van (at least when they play in front of the Rotunda at the University of Virginia);