What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0121

6001.  The sandwiches at “The Market” at Bellair (TigerFuelMarkets.com/TheMarketDeli) in Charlottesville, Virginia are tasty;

6002.  (I can say) I’ve been on a double date with the same girl;

6003.  (I can say) I’ve been on a date with Steve(n) (Castano);

6004.  Kristi likes gin;

6005.  Kristi’s from Estonia;

6006.  Kristi has soft hands;

6007.  The adult milkshakes at Ted’s Bulletin in D.C. are tasty (specifically the White Russian);

6008.  The Ted’s tarts are (pretty) good too (specifically the salted caramel);

6009.  The marrow burger at Mason Social (Mason-Social.com) in (Old Town) Alexandria is (rather) tasty. . . . Go for “Marrow Mondays.”  The marrow burger is on special (all day) for $11.50 (v. $15.00 regularly);

6010.  Kevin Bacon can play the drums (specifically the djembe drum);

6011.  Kevin Bacon can (actually) sign;

6012.  It seems appropriate that the Bacon Brothers would play “Footloose;”

6013.  Attitude is not something that just happens; you choose it.  Even in difficult circumstances, you can choose to have a good attitude;

6014.  Define how responsive you are going to be.  Segment your contacts.  Who is your inner circle?  What about the next level out?  What about acquaintances?  What about complete strangers?  You can have a different standard for each.  You don’t necessarily need to tell them which circle they’re in;

6015.  Determine how responsive others need you to be.  If you acquire a new client, a boss or a business partner, ask them to clarify their expectations.  How quickly do they need you to respond?  Does it need to be immediate?  Within a few hours?  Within 24 hours?  In a couple of days?  Ask them to be specific.  This is an implicit contract;

6016.  Express how responsive you want others to be.  Take the initiative to clarify this with your direct reports, business associates and vendors.  It will result in less frustration for both of you.  It also provides the necessary accountability to make progress on your various projects;

6017.  Be proactive when you can’t respond in a timely manner.  If the other person has to follow-up, it’s a good sign your expectations are mismatched or you dropped the ball.  Instead of waiting for them to ask again, contact them.  For example: “I just wanted to acknowledge that I received your e-mail.  I am traveling this week, so it will likely be the end of the week before I can respond;”

6018.  The right words at the wrong time can be just as damaging as the wrong words.  When someone experiences a major setback or disappointment, we need to be careful not to dismiss their pain or frustration.  Likewise, it’s usually a bad idea to lecture about what they could or should have done differently;

6019.  Words left unsaid can also be hurtful;

6020.  Some teammates are more managerial and others are more entrepreneurial.  On any given team there are usually more of the first than the second.  It doesn’t matter what the environment is.  Entrepreneurs hunt down new opportunities and see rules as slowing them down.  Managers oversee existing business and use rules to keep things in order.  It’s inevitable that they’ll butt heads.  The managers want the entrepreneurs to be less entrepreneurial.  And the entrepreneurs want the managers to be less managerial.  But that is a mistake.  The hard thing to appreciate is that most teams need both entrepreneurs and managers to succeed;

6021.  Appreciation is a critical factor for team success.  Without managers, entrepreneurs don’t have anyone to hold down the shop.  Without entrepreneurs, managers don’t have business for the shop.  Until each can appreciate the other’s contribution, they’ll work at cross purposes;

6022.  You feel overwhelmed and you don’t know what course to take: 1.  Forget about the ultimate outcome.  The truth is that you probably have less control over the outcome than you think.  You can undoubtedly influence it, but you can’t control it.  Besides, before you ever get to the final destination, many of the variables will change.  Projects and deals have a way of unfolding over time; 2.  Focus on the next right action.  Since worrying about the outcome is unproductive, try to think about the next actions that will move the project forward.  This is far more accessible than something in the distant future; and 3.  Do something now!  This is key.  Something is better than nothing;

6023.  Clarity comes when you move toward your destination and correct along the way;

6024.  If you don’t say “no:” 1.  Other peoples’ priorities will take precedence over yours; 2.  Mere acquaintances, people you barely know, will crowd out time with family and close friends; 3.  You will not have the time you need for rest and recovery; 4.  You will end up frustrated and stressed; and 5.  You won’t be able to say “yes” to the really important things;

6025.  Out of guilt or fear of confrontation, we take on more projects or invest in someone else’s priorities.  In the process, we dissipate our most valuable personal resources, time, energy and money, on things that aren’t important to us.  Each time we agree to something without enthusiasm or interest, we waste a little more of these precious resources;
6026.  Every time we say “no” to something that is not important, we are saying “yes” to something that is: our work, our relationships and our resources;

6027.  Smart people think, say and do stupid things all the time.  One explanation is that they’re sometimes more intelligent than critical.  Researchers, who’ve studied the discrepancy between intelligent people and stupid decisions, note that critical thinkers experience fewer negative events in life when compared to highly intelligent people;

6028.  A sin is more than a mistake.  It’s a deliberate choice to do something you know is wrong;

6029.  When we say, “We are trying,” we don’t really have to do anything.  It also provides us with an excuse for why we didn’t accomplish the outcome we say we want.  You either do something or you don’t do it.  Trying is really the same as not doing it.  It just makes it easier for us to let ourselves off the hook when we fail;

6030.  Eliminate the word “try” from your vocabulary.  Language is subtle.  The words we use can program us to perform certain ways.  Using the wrong language can create an outcome we don’t intend;

6031.  “Try” is a worthless word that accomplishes nothing.  It might make us feel better when we fail, but it actually induces the kind of behavior that leads to failure;

6032.  Decide either to do or not do.  If you don’t want to do something, fine.  Don’t do it.  But don’t pretend that trying is the same as doing.  They are two completely different postures;

6033.  Everything important we accomplish begins with a decision.  We don’t slip into our greatest achievements.  We commit and then make them happen;

6034.  Commit 100 percent to the outcome you want.  Failure is not an option.  Play full out.  Don’t quit.  Don’t settle for merely trying;

6035.  After conducting an in-depth study of seventy-two high-performing CEOs, Cornell University researchers reached a surprising conclusion.  The key predictor of success for leaders wasn’t grit, focus, education, decision-making skills, a knack for strategic planning or even IQ.  It was self-awareness;

6036.  Self-awareness is the ability to monitor and regulate our thoughts, feelings and actions (and the effect they have on ourselves and others).  It requires we identify and challenge the bogus unconscious beliefs underlying the ways we think, feel and act;

6037.  Help you surface and neutralize your self-limiting beliefs: S(top)N(otice)A(sk)P(ivot);

6038.  Stop: Take four or five deep, prayerful breaths to ground yourself in your body and return to the present moment.  The purpose of this step is simply to wake up and bring your awareness back to your immediate experience;

6039.  Notice: Often we get swept up in the rush of daily activities and habitual reactive behaviors, but rarely do we step back to observe and learn from them.  Once we’ve come to a full stop, we look around to see what we’ve been missing while we were lost in our thoughts or absorbed in our work.  Is the environment around us calm or burning to the ground?  How are we connected to what’s going on?  Are we personally in a good space or do we notice we’re caught up in outmoded, habitual perspectives and behaviors?  Whatever you discover, make sure as you notice or observe what you’re feeling, thinking and doing in the moment that you do so with compassion.  No labeling, analyzing, criticizing or trying to fix anything.  Your job right now is to simply notice and nothing else;

6040.  Ask: Now that you’re awake to what’s happening in the moment, you can ask yourself three questions that will expose any self-limiting beliefs and get you back on track if you need it: 1.  “What am I believing right now?”  This is a powerful question.  After a few minutes of quiet reflection, the unconscious beliefs fueling your anxiety can surface; 2.  “Are these beliefs true?”  Of course not; and 3.  “How would your life change if you let go of this belief?”

6041.  Pivot: Once you’ve identified and interrupted the circuit on your bogus beliefs, you can pivot and make different, healthier, more helpful choices that ae in line with the truth;

6042.  Leaders face a lot of problems, but poor communication is one they often create for themselves.  According to one study, nine out of ten employees say it sabotages the success of executives.  The same study found the second biggest problem area for leaders was a lack of clear directions;

6043.  When you get tired of hearing yourself and you think that everyone is starting to get annoyed, you’re about half(way) done.  The truth is you can’t over-communicate;

6044.  5 reasons to speak up and speak often: 1.  People can’t read your mind.  When you force people to guess what you’re after, you widen the margin for error and misunderstanding.  You need to get what’s in your mind into the minds of your teammates.  That only comes with communication; 2.  People forget.  No matter how clear your strategy and tactics are to you, others will forget.  No one retains it all; 3.  People get distracted.  Modern work is plagued by distraction.  As a leader, you can do things to combat that, but you can also compensate by continually communicating what’s important to your team; 4.  People haven’t bought into your rationale.  Just because people work for you doesn’t mean they subscribe to the mission or the values behind the individual tasks they’ve been hired to do.  If you’re serious about results, you’ll either need to let those people go or bring them up to speed; and 5.  People drift off course.  Even if team members buy into your vision or the importance behind specific tasks, they can lose sight of the target and drift off course.  A leader’s communication is the compass of the organization.  It keeps everyone oriented and moving toward the right goals;

6045.  Communication is a critical factor in team alignment.  And team alignment is a critical factor in hitting organizational goals;

6046.  If you want your doctor to stick her/his finger up your butt, turn 40;

6047.  I’ve had a man stick his finger up my butt;

6048.  Prostate exams aren’t fun;

6049.  Vegetarian tacos can be tasty (specifically the ones at Chaia (ChaiaDC.com) in Georgetown).  Who knew?

6050.  The surest way to find happiness and joy for yourself is to devote your energies toward making someone else happy.  If you make an effort to search for joy you will find it elusive, largely because you will become engaged in the search itself.  Your life will be about striving.  However, if you try to bring happiness to someone else then joy will come to you;