What I've learned since moving to D.C. (some of which should be obvious): 0128

6351.  There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy;

6352.  Apparently, Christmas lied about coming 4 times. . . . Christmas is a liar. . . . Christmas is a faker;

6353.  Raw dog . . . check;

6354.  Apparently, I have a nice butt;

6355.  Apparently, you can’t come on Molly . . . good to know;

6356.  A woman’s favorite spot to be kissed, other than the mouth, is the neck;

6357.  Ninety-six percent of women reported that they like neck kisses, while only about 10% of men do;

6358.  Normally two people in conversation give each other eye contact anywhere from 30-60% of the time, but couples, who are in love, look at each other 75% of the time during conversation and are slower to break their look away from each other when interrupted;

6359.  6 ways to make someone fall in love with you: 1.  Dim the lights; 2.  Wear red; 3.  Share secrets; 4.  Girls, chin down.  Guys, chin up; 5.  Lots of eye contact; and 6.  Exciting beats pleasant;

6360.  Describing his findings in an article entitled “Deviance in the Dark,” Ken and Mary Gergen noted that when the lights were on, none of the participants purposefully touched or hugged one another and that 30 percent of them felt sexually aroused.  When the group was plunged into darkness, the situation was very different.  Now, almost 90 percent of them touched one another on purpose, 50 percent hugged and 80 percent were sexually aroused.  In addition, the people, who were in the dark room, were far more likely to start talking about important events in their lives and find one another attractive.  Gergen’s footage revealed that a few of the participants even started stroking one another’s faces and kissing.  Simply by finding themselves in the sort of situation that lovers enjoy, people quickly started to behave as if they had been struck by Cupid’s arrow and so found one another more attractive;

6361.  Women perceive men to be more attractive and sexually desirable, when seen on a red background and in red clothing and that status perceptions are responsible for this effect;

6362.  Tilting female faces upwards decreased their perceived femininity and attractiveness, whereas tilting them downwards increased their perceived femininity and attractiveness.  Male faces tilted up were judged to be more masculine and tilted down judged to be less masculine;

6363.  In two studies, subjects induced to exchange a mutual unbroken gaze for 2 minutes with a stranger of the opposite sex reported increased feelings of passionate love for each other;

6364.  Couples, who spend time engaging in exciting activities (such as skiing, hiking, dancing or going to concerts), were significantly happier with their relationships than those, who had been encouraged to carry out pleasant activities (such as going to the movies, eating out or visiting friends).  The key to long-term love involves people avoiding the lure of the familiar and instead inviting excitement into their lives.  By acting as if they are out on an exhilarating date, couples can turn back the hands of time and easily recreate that loving feeling;

6365.  All work is not created equal.  Shallow work is little stuff like e-mail, meetings, moving information around, etc.  Things that are not really using your talents.  Deep work pushes your current abilities to their limits.  It produces high value results and improves your skills;

6366.  People, who are the busiest, often are getting a lot less done of significance than the people who are able to stop by 5:00 PM every day.  The whole reason they need to work at night and on the weekends is because their work life has become full of just shallows.  They’re responding to messages, moving information around and being a human network router.  These things are very time consuming and very low value;

6367.  Nobody in the history of the universe ever became CEO because they responded to more e-mail or went to more meetings;

6368.  Shallow work stops you from getting fired, but deep work is what gets you promoted;

6369.  Whenever possible, do not check e-mail for the first hour or two of the day.  You might need to get into your e-mail to finish 100% of your most important to-dos.  But can you get 80 or 90% done before you go into Gmail and have your rat brain explode with freak-out, dopamine excitement and cortisol panic;

6370.  There’s a whole new meaning to getting a foot massage.  Just ask Elizabeth;

6371.  Elizabeth likes her steaks medium-rare;

6372.  Elizabeth really likes wasabi;

6373.  “Soixante-neuf” . . . check;

6374.  Apparently, some women like to taste themselves after coming;

6375.  Super Bowl . . . check . . . internal . . . (double) check;

6376.  The most important thing to do with anyone you meet is to seek their thoughts and opinions without judging them.  Ask questions.  Listen.  But don’t judge.  Nobody (including yourself) likes to feel judged;

6377.  Studies show people get more pleasure from talking about themselves than they do from food or money;

6378.  Suspend your ego to get people to like you.  Most of us are just dying to point out how other people are wrong.  It kills rapport.  If you want to correct someone?  If you want to one-up them.  Don’t do it;

6379.  Ego suspension is putting your own needs, wants and opinions aside.  Consciously ignore your desire to be correct and to correct someone else.  It’s not allowing yourself to get emotionally hijacked by a situation where you might not agree with someone’s thoughts, opinions or actions;

6380.  When people hear things that contradict their beliefs, the logical part of their mind shuts down and their brain prepares to fight;

6381.  Be a good listener.  Stop thinking about what you’re going to say next and focus on what they’re saying right now.  Be curious and ask to hear more about what interests you;

6382.  Research shows just asking people to tell you more makes you more likeable and gets them to want to help you;

6383.  The basics of active listening are: 1.  Listen to what they say.  Don’t interrupt, disagree or evaluate; 2.  Nod your head and make brief acknowledging comments like “yes” and “uh-huh;” 3.  Without being awkward, repeat back the gist of what they just said from their frame of reference; and 4.  Inquire.  Ask questions that show you’ve been paying attention and that move the discussion forward;

6384.  Research shows just asking people “If now is a good time?” makes them more likely to comply with requests;

6385.  “Netflix and chill” . . . check . . . sofa bed . . . (double) check;

6386.  Elizabeth likes chocolate cake;

6387.  Handcuffs . . . check . . . butt plug . . . (double) check . . . Valentine’s Day . . . (triple) check;

6388.  Apparently, Elizabeth’s sister is married to the drummer of (the band,) “Beirut;”

6389.  Elizabeth's favorite cookie is chocolate chip;

6390.  There are people (who are) allergic to onions . . . which is awful/horrible for them because it’s used in (almost) everything for flavor;

6391.  I like having my back kissed;

6392.  “Millennial pink” is a thing;

6393.  There is a lot of emotion around the area of our lives that we call relationships and the reason for all that emotion is because we tend to make relationships life and death.  We do that because whenever we enter into a relationship we come face-to-face with our deepest fears;

6394.  Our partners, intimate and familial, our dearest friends, our kids and our parents, those for whom we care most deeply, are the most vivid mirrors life has to offer.  Relationships reflect back to us our conditioning, driving needs and our belief systems;

6395.  You can solve anything with the ones you love if you drop the charge of blame.  Every relationship offers us the opportunity to learn something, including the things that make us angry, frustrated or afraid.  Those upsets aren’t coming from our partners, they’re coming from our conditioning, past impressions and our models of the world, including the models we don’t even like;

6396.  From those models of the world come all of the expectations we hold of ourselves and our partners.  The upsets come from our own rules and expectations and the stories of blame we tell;

6397.  If you knew today was your last day on earth, what would you communicate to your beloved ones?  How would you love?  What stories would you let go of?  If you had the luxury of knowing it was the very last time you would see them, what wouldn’t be worth the upset anymore?

6398.  Wouldn’t all the upsets you have with the ones you love disappear if you knew this was the last moment you’d ever have with them?  The hurt comes from the love we force our heart to withhold.  The pain comes from punishing our partners.  That’s not love.  A relationship is a place we go to give something, not a place we go to get our needs met;

6399.  Decide how you will show up.  Who are you willing to become for the ones you love.  What state would you be in if this was the last moment you had together?
6400.  I have a burning desire, an inner flame that will not be extinguished by outer forces, to know and live from higher regions, to be transformed so that my new concept of myself will no longer include any limitations.  I am willing to challenge and change any thoughts that impede my having a higher vision of myself;